[wildsassysam]

Originally Posted by hellion

i feel alright for now, earlier i got offended on another site because someone implied only a mentally ill person could murder their child, which leads to only mentally ill people commit murder...only a mentally ill person could do this vile thing. Well it was bs and i said so, then they still didn't get it so i had to re-explain that one does not have to be mentally ill to do vile things to another human.....just irks me, why are people so ignorant.

well said hun :d

[StarStrike]

Today's been a day where I've been stuck in re-thinking the choices I've (or should I say my dad has, for me) made in life. One of the library staff said I'm talented and it'd be a waste of talent if I didn't pursue it. My dad encouraged me to study animal management believing art couldn't get me anywhere and I'd got an F in the subject in school. But the staff member told me the education system puts down raw talent and that Einstein had rubbish grades but he turned out to be a genius. I followed my dad's advice and it got me nowhere. The job centre ended up lobbing me in a college for out of work youths. A place where you're babied and if you have mental health issues you get your personal engagement adviser watching your every move, constantly checking up on you. I still remember the day I got into trouble just because I skipped lunch when I had stomach troubles. Today she phoned up the library to make sure I was attending every day. She can't even trust me to go to work experience! I moan and whinge about wanting to quit, but I never actually do because quitting won't make me feel happy. I'll still feel miserable even if I stayed in bed all day. So I get up and try to be useful. Though I'm really not that good at much. Maybe I would've been better off if I'd stood up for myself instead of being tricked into thinking my art is useless and I should give it up because it won't get me anywhere in life. I'm so deep in thought right now. It's all so confusing. What am I supposed to do in life? What is the reason for my existence? Or is it all meaningless because we all die eventually anyway?

[breakmystride]

Today I've been having panic attacks over the fact that my birthday is coming up in a couple months. I'm going to be 23, and that seems so old. I know it's *not* old, but I feel like I might as well be turning 80.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am so tired after my half day at the office yesterday. However, I kept busy today too. I took my dog for a walk through the meadows and woods near where I live. The weather was sunny and cold. It was all very pretty and the solitude was reassuring but I'm still a long way from being able to experience true pleasure.

[healingme4me]

Ask me, next weekend. I'm feeling this coming on strong...

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[Nammu]

I've a mind worm drilling away at my ability to be functional, lost my glasses yesterday and today can't find my hearing aid....kind of feel like just walking into the nearest hyway, I'd choose a sea but that's too far way. Besides I'd have to get dressed or I'd get picked up for walking around in a nightgown, in this town yer not allowed outside unless you are part of the "normals" you can be weird but only inside certain limits. Gone are the days a male could wear a bikini a beard and run for government.

[painisme]

had a bad day and broke down on the way home..but starting to pull out of it

[NWgirl2013]

I wish I could make this better. For me. For you. Pain brings depression brings pain brings depression...

Just didn't want to get out of bed this morning - - which is usual for me on Saturdays. Since my husband is off on Saturday and we lounge in bed together first things in the morning, I just feel like I want to stay there forever with him and not face the world. Eventually, we got out of bed and took the dogs for a walk. Now he will be gone all day running errands and fishing, but at least I have a few things in the hopper too. As I always say, I hate weekends because I feel they're meant to have fun and relax and I just can't do that now.

[regretful]

I used to know the joy and relaxation of weekends, but as this depression progresses, the only defining factor of the weekend versus any other day is that I will attend a church service on Sunday...

[StarStrike]

I stayed in bed until twelve o'clock. Got up, went shopping for my grandparents. Got told I made my family situation worse be telling my brother all of the bad things my dad says about him to me. Same old stuff in repeat. -Sigh- I'm afraid I don't know who I am anymore. Through all of my contemplation, there's only one thing I understand about myself. I'm unhappy with my life.

[Hellion]

Don't really want to go in full detail on this site, but I was sort of an idiot last night...and now I feel kind of bad about it and have to track down my bicycle I left at someones house.

I am ok, I just feel so stupid.

[RunningInTheRain]

I'm doing all right today. Yesterday was a bit rough...I was having an okay day until sometime during dinner, when all of the sudden I felt like I'd just been hit in the face with a bunch of worthlessness and basically hatred for myself...and then my parents fought a lot for the rest of the night, which scares me a lot at this point because they're already on the verge of divorce.

[Nammu]

Have had an unbelievably great day. Even with an ambian I didn't get to sleep until after 4am, but I was able to go back to sleep after I woke up at 8am and have slept off and on all day until now, feel amazing. Had bizarre and terrifying dreams but still slept, I think this is the most and the most deeply I've slept in months. I'm tired but feel pretty good mood wise, also a new thing, perhaps the medicines are working? Whatever it is, I'll take it for however long it lasts. Huzza, huzza......about time.

[Bigmike727]

Keep having anxiety attacks every couple days, the Rivotril helps with killing them, but I am honestly afraid of becoming addicted to it as benzos are pretty dangerous with dependency.

[TheOriginalMe]

I smiled today. Not a pretend smile, a real smile, unprompted and genuine. I'm not even sure why I smiled, I just found myself smiling. At the time I was my mood was content, I was doing something that I know I can do well and I was absorbed in that activity and suddenly I was aware that I was smiling. THIS IS PROGRESS, at last.

Now I'm pretty exhausted, worn out by doing one extra thing in a whole day, but progress is progress no matter how small or slow.

[Rose76]

Hi. On my trip. Visiting family. Using a pad or tablet. Finding it hard. Doing okay. Sad situation, but glad to be here.

[Jeminminn]

Better today than the last few days. Today I was able to get out of bed by 11 and do laundry and get showered and dressed. I have not been able to do that for the previous 4 days. It is embarrassing to not clean as well as you used to, but it takes an enormous amount of effort even to do a load of laundry.

I have had major depression since the age of 22 and am now 43. Life has pretty much been awful and painful most of the time. I don't have a lot of friends and my family is nuttier than I am, so basically alone. Friends have left me because I am such a downer. I would give anything to be normal. It is frustrating because people don't understand. An example of how this has effected me is in the area of e employment. I am a very hard worker but consistently have trouble keeping jobs. The reason is my fault, I know. I am unable to warm up to my teammates, struggle with organization, and am extremely sensitive to any criticism (I virtually cry when someone tells me I did something wrong).

Can anyone relate? What do you do in these kinds of situations?

[nakitakunai]

Very sad all the time lately... nothing seems to help.

[tigerlily84]

I made an appointment to see a therapist. My appointment is next week and I'm looking forward to it... I was long overdue.