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Member
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: california
Posts: 42
10 7 hugs
given |
#81
better this morning...hope it lasts
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StarStrike
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Nammu, StarStrike
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA -
Posts: 1,863
12 1,194 hugs
given |
#82
Rough night...arguments, frustrations, sleeplessness...
rougher morning and heading back into that depressive shell. I find it hard to believe that this is my life. There was a time when I was happy...Each passing day makes that more of a fading memory... |
Anonymous37807, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#83
For the second day in a row, I'm feeling a tad more optimistic, particularly about finding a job. This morning I even got out of bed earlier than my self-imposed 8 o'clock hour - - just because I was enthusiastic about starting my day. Is it possible the fetizma is starting to work after just 1-1/2 weeks?
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regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Nammu, StarStrike
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Member
Member Since Oct 2012
Location: Northern Arizona
Posts: 298
11 11 hugs
given |
#84
Anxious, panicky, scared ... in a really freaky "don't touch me!" sort of place. Really need to see a doctor. Hope my insurance covers treatment.
__________________ Technology and human potential don't have to be adversary positions .. we can use advanced machinery and advanced people. Likewise, the idealists on the right and the idealists on the left would do better for all if they worked on the same team. Get comfortable with combining positions and not choosing sides. -- Jim Channon, LTC. U.S.Army |
Anonymous200125, Nammu, StarStrike
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#85
Hmm back to work blues are starting to sink in. It's been a good four days off mostly, and a good birthday but knowing I have to go back to work in the morning is sending my mood crashing again. Time for an early night to stop the thoughts...
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Nammu, regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
Member Since Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
(SuperPoster!)
11 4,168 hugs
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#86
Sunday is looming. One of the hardest of the hards.
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
seeminglyreal, StarStrike
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#87
Nothing is happening in my life. I feel stuck. I feel like I am going nowhere. And that everyone else's lives are much more interesting than mine. I'm not even interested in anything, I'm not good at anything. I want to get drunk or high I just don't know what to do. I'm sick of feeling so damn worthless. Now the house is empty and I'm just sitting here because I have no where to go and no one who wants me. I want to get really drunk and probably do stupid things. I just want something to happen. My scared inhibited self isn't going to do anything so.
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Onward2wards, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, tigerlily84
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Magnate
Member Since Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,283
14 2,137 hugs
given |
#88
((( nevergoodenough ))) I feel precisely the same.
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StarStrike
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Member
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 182
10 199 hugs
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#89
Quote:
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StarStrike
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Out of Order
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 15,794
(SuperPoster!)
10 17.2k hugs
given |
#90
Quote:
__________________ |
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Member
Member Since Oct 2013
Location: Everywhere
Posts: 182
10 199 hugs
given |
#91
There is nothing in the world that I want more than to feel loved and wanted. God, I hate myself.
It's been a bad day. Took some pills and fell asleep for a few hours. I feel heavy, slow and dizzy. Last edited by seeminglyreal; May 06, 2014 at 05:44 PM.. |
mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Legendary
Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Santa Rosa Island, FL, USA ... 2014 rudely displanted to the rugged raw severe NW Coast of Oregon.
Posts: 15,307
(SuperPoster!)
15 831 hugs
given |
#92
Pretty acceptable day. Up a notch from 1 to 2. Mind is okay, just feel anxiety and jitteriness.
__________________ Traveling west back toward Eden (interestingly the wise men in the Gospel account of Jesus' birth came from the East), has been full of confrontation with the trials and tribulations of living outside the Garden. She is an artist without doubt disappointed that paradise was not as close in 1969 as she and so many others hoped it was. Her work is now filled with the reality of humanity's failure to achieve the prophetic dream of her song, but never without the hope that that day will yet come. |
mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe
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Out of Order
Member Since Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 15,794
(SuperPoster!)
10 17.2k hugs
given |
#93
Had another busy day one way and another. Apart from not having milk the day started well. Then after lunch the day got complicated.
This afternoon I discovered some ****hole had driven into my garden wall and left a three foot section badly damaged and hanging over the pavement where it is a danger to pedestrians. As the owner of the wall I'm liable if it falls on someone and it is too heavy for me to move the damaged section away from the footpath. Obviously the ****hole who did the damage has just driven away and not reported the accident to me or the police. My insurance company are sending a surveyor out tomorrow, at least it is a relief to know that I'm covered by insurance and they are onto the job. My toilet has stopped flushing, so I have to pour buckets of water down the pan. I've got a plumber starting on Thursday to replace the whole bathroom, I was just hoping that it would all hold out until then, it seems not. The last trouble of the day was an injury to add to the previous two "insults". Back in December I hit my head very hard and had a hairline fracture to my skull. Today, I managed to bump exactly the same place, not hard but it really, really hurt. Since then I've felt pretty nauseous and drowsy, I know I should get checked out, but it took three trips to ER last time before they took the injury seriously and I honestly can't face that aggravation again. __________________ |
mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, tigerlily84
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Member
Member Since Apr 2014
Location: The Bahamas
Posts: 325
10 111 hugs
given |
#94
Feeling pretty hopeless today, financial issues are getting the better of me.
__________________ Diagnosis: Bipolar Type I w\ psychotic features, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin |
mulan, Nammu, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 73,330
(SuperPoster!)
14 55.9k hugs
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#95
Having a hard time responding or posting, everything I say seems shallow and redundant so why say anything. The mobile crisis outreach stopped by yesterday again, made a ton of notes and told me to use the ambian EVERY night, not just for a couple days then take a break. I worry it will stop working if I do that.
I don't feel more depressed it's more that I now feel nothing, think nothing....I stare out the window for hours and don't notice time as passed. Not sure if that's a trend in the right direction or not, at least I no longer think of suicide. __________________ Nammu Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. ... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
mulan, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2013
Location: Europe
Posts: 1,046
11 3,220 hugs
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#96
Alone, sad, sad, sad, alone. Bad week, hawful day.
I wish the shadow could turn into dust. |
Nammu, seeminglyreal, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#97
Feeling really depressed today. Had to force myself to get out of bed, walk the dogs and put in some laundry. My life just seems so damn meaningless and boring, but I feel powerless to change it. Not sure what happened to my fight/optimism from the past 2 mornings. Some things just never change . . .
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mulan, regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#98
Today I've bottomed out again. Not quite sure what happened. I don't think the fetizma has done anything, as it turns out.
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mulan, Nammu, regretful, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: USA -
Posts: 1,863
12 1,194 hugs
given |
#99
Still circling the drain...sadly, I feel like I'm in one of the closest concentric circles, but rather than escaping to "normal" or flushing to "oblivion", I just stay in the same orbit...yes, that's it - I'm in the fixed orbit of mild depression...someday it will get better, right?
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mulan, Nammu, StarStrike, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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#100
Quote:
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TheOriginalMe
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Closed Thread |
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