Overwhelming emotions evoked by scanning of old images - Just nostalgia or something deeper?

I have been married for 22 years to a woman I met at college. Our marriage has been in a slump for several years, in part due to work stress, money, and 3 teen children.

I was an avid 35mm photographer back then, and have many high-quality images of her, us, and locations that I associate with our relationship.

The relationship grew fast amidst a backdrop of graduating from college and starting a career halfway across the country. I have always harbored very strong memories of the 15 months between our first date and the wedding which took place just after graduation, moving, and starting my career.

Throughout my life I have struggled with low self-esteem for reasons that are not completely known. This was especially true as far as relationships with women; she is my "first and only", and I felt as if I had won a lottery when she came into my life. I also realize that my low self-esteem almost prevented me from picking up her hints of being interested in me, as I was sure that no girl would want me!

This was never really a problem until my daugter got a flatbed scanner and I began experimenting with digitizing those old images. Although I have seen these images as prints and slides over the years, scanning them into picture files brought new life to them. All it took was an image or two of her to knock me to my knees.

Scanning became an absolute obsession. I ate and slept little, and added fuel to the fire by listening to some of "our" songs while doing this. I am a 45-year old man who has not cried in awhile, but that was soon to change. I found the present to be almost unbearable, and did not even want to be around our children. I felt as if I was mentally regressing to my less stable self at age 21.

While much of this can be attributed to nostalgia and "mid-life crisis", I think that there was something more. For no apparent reason, certain images and songs would bring on more emotion than others, as if a wave of repressed memories would rise to the surface. I was later able to determine that some of the images were associated with a devastating incident in which she called off the relationship, only to recant the next day.

For a few days, things have been a lot better, but I was hit by another powerful wave last night, possibly brought on by a song.

Is it possible that this experience has brought back some suppressed memories? I feel it could be something like PTSD, only over mostly happy events.

Despite the difficulty, I believe that this experience has been good for me and has increased my appreciation for her in the present day. I actually kind of enjoy surrendering to the effects and knowing that I still have strong feelings for her.

She is understandably a bit frightened and skeptical.

Whew! I glad you turned towards the positive by the end of your post. I think you have things in their proper perspective. If I was your wife, I would be in 7th heaven... but then I'm an incurable romantic. I associate music with events in my life, too, so I understand completely what happened to you.

Do you have a program where you can create "slideshows"? I have a couple that could put the pictures and music together... which is something I want to do eventually, but mostly with pictures of my kids and grandkids. This may be getting off the subject, but if I were you, I'd put your emotions to good use by creating something for posterity. What a wonderful gift it would be for a 25th wedding anniversary for your wife!

You mentioned "obsession" in your post. I would definetely stay aware of that, just to stay "healthy" about the project; you know, "balanced"? (Eck! I hate the word, sometimes! ) This might help your wife, too, to accept the new-found romance. From where I sit, you need to make time for that to help bring the marriage back to where it used to be.

I envy you your project, your feelings, your ability to express them, and mostly I envy your wife. Wish my husband would find some romance in his soul.



<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>