I have questions

My 30 yo son became very depressed three years ago, after his favourite uncle passed away. Then, he tried to kill himself, and spent 3 days in hospital. They put him on anti-depressants, and then after a while he refused all meds and help. (He lives at home, and has never held a real job, and is on SSD ... long story, but was a preemie with mild CP).

A year ago. he ended up in hospital for 2 weeks on a hold. He had called police and told them his Dad & I were trying to poison him. He was in his room with loaded gun! They came (we were shocked, no idea this was going on) and took him to hospital. They said he was severe depression with psychosis. After getting out, he went to Psy. Dr. appts and was on meds a short time, because he came to conclusion there is nothing wrong with him.

My dear son has never been right since. He gets weird ideas about things...such as his car is not really his car, thinks someone is taking things out of his room, etc. Sometimes a glint of the "real him" comes thru, but he is not the same. He has only 1 friend (and does not trust that friend anymore), keeps to himself in his room, and stays up all night then sleeps into the day.

I know there have been some messed up things that happened, such as someone vandalized a car we had gotten him (in our own driveway), but we had installed surveillance cameras, and it is not a problem anymore. He switches his interests constantly, and ..... I don't know why I am rambling like this!

I try to talk to him about going back to counselor again, even tell him we can get a new one, but he is insistent that there is nothing wrong with him. It breaks my heart and I don't know what to do. If he were not at home, he would be on the street.

They said, both in hospital and afterwards at the Psychiatrist, that it is severe depression with psychosis. How can this be? What do I do to help him???

Thank you for listening.

Hi, chipmonk2, and again, welcome! As you know, this situation is a very tough one. When someone is an adult, there's only so much we, even as parents, can do. Force him to take meds? Force him to see a doctor? How?!

In the U.S., to be hospitalized a person has to be perceived to be a danger to himself or others. Sad to say, when that does seem to be the case, then the police could be called and he could be taken in to hospital. But, as we saw, before, once he gets out there's no guarantee he will stay with his treatment.

Doctors just don't know all the ends and outs of the brain, and probably never will. But evidently something such as a chemical imbalance or the "wrong" parts of the brain taking over or malfunctioning, in a sense, can cause these kinds of symptoms. Environmental factors such as stress can play a role, but some folks don't develop these problems even with lots of stress. We as parents just do the best we can, and despite our best efforts, our children can develop these disorders. (That's my layman's thinking, anyway!)

One thing about it, we can not talk anyone out of psychosis. They believe what they believe. You might read about depression to see what might be done to help with that. Maybe reading here in the Depression forum could be helpful.

Also, is there a NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) group around your area? They might have some sort of classes or support groups that can help.

You might also consider posting in the Partners forum here, if you haven't already. Here is that link: http://forums.psychcentral.com/partn...ivers-support/.

Hi chipmonk, it sounds like you and your son are going through a really hard time. And you sound like you're worried/scared/upset.........for him, and distressed and stressed......by the whole situation (?) which would be natural.
But if he has severe depression with psychosis he really does need some more professional help than he's probably getting by the sounds of it.
I'm guessing it isn't really helping by trying to help him "rationalize"/manage what's going on for him, so maybe the most you can do day-to-day, other than that, is try to just be there for him, try to be understanding, reassuring and supportive towards him.
But what you might be able to do is talk with his pdoc about what you're seeing/what he's going through. If he isn't seeing one right now though, then you could contact the last one he saw or have him re-refered.
It is really good that you sound so caring and to have his best interests at heart, just don't let any professionals brush that off and insist that they give/get him the help that he deserves. His safety and well-being are so important as you're clearly seeing.
And make sure that you're getting some support too, from friends, from family, online........wherever, I know it really can't be easy for you right now.
Alison
P.S You might also like to post this in the forum for Partners of People and Caregivers Support too, any help you can get would be good, right? Best wishes.

Just be his support system and listen. You can't make him do anything he doesnt want to do.

I agree with the advice above. Maybe you can talk with his friend and help him/her understand how they can best help him by just being there for him in a non-threatening and non-confrontational way. I can understand how a friend could lose patience with this behavior but maybe they can help if they can rebuild trust with him and give him someone he feels he can count on outside of family.

I would suggest limiting his access to guns if you can... I don't know if he has one or if there's one in the house that he has access to but if you can prevent his access to one that may be a good step to take. But if he's experiencing paranoia perhaps it makes him feel safe and taking it away could set him off, I don't know... it just doesn't seem like a good idea for him to have access to a gun to me if it's something you can control. If they are your family's guns and not his maybe you can sell them and explain it to him that you just decided it on your own (for money, because you feel them unnecessary, have changed you mind about it for whatever reason) and make sure to convincingly explain that the choice was unrelated to him.

But I agree with the above that being supportive no matter what and listening to him is best because you certainly cannot make him do anything he doesn't want to and pressing it too hard will push him away potentially. I think it would be a good idea to gently suggest that he can get help for his depression and anxiety when it seems appropriate to do so. If you frame it as help for anxiety/depression he might be more receptive to it than if you pose it as help for paranoia/psychosis, which he will likely continue to deny he has a problem with.

I don't know if that's helpful at all - I don't have experience with this kind of situation so take it for whatever you think it is worth... stay strong and help him as much as you can. It is not your fault and I can tell you really care about him - showing him how much you care and that you are there for him is probably the best thing you can do