[Kabuto]

I know it sounds crazy, but deep down, I associate video games with my former self, and it lies deep into my mental psyche.

As a kid, the greatest enjoyment I got was out of video games, ever since Pokemon came out when I was 8 or so. There was literally nothing I liked more than Pokemon, and for many years to come, I LOVED video games and everything about them. I loved to draw characters, come up with fake storylines, and most importantly, play video games. I suppose they served as a coping mechanism for a lot of troublesome bullies in school, and as an escape mechanism to fuel my imagination.

So video games weren't entirely a waste of time- that's been a research study, that has been done on multiple occasions. Some people even make a career related to video games, especially as something like a computer science major, or even a game designer.

But for me, I really didn't reap any long term benefit from all that time spent gaming, and I feel like I'm suffering for that in my recent years, playing catch up through an excessive amount of reading, and artwork. I often think to myself, perhaps all of that time would have been better spent playing music, drawing, reading, anything that would have proved to be useful.

There are two reasons that ultimately changed my perception of gaming-

1. Girls. At first I was always presenting myself as the "cool" gamer- the guy who was super chill, laid back, wasn't obese, had long flowing hair, etc. But ultimately, I was still a nerd, and I was an avoidant guy who wasn't getting laid. So, perhaps, ending my time with video games stimulated my surge into making myself interesting to girls. Of course, like many college kids, I did this by getting into metal music, drinking booze, and smoking weed. Nowadays, I'm more focused on my studies and career, and making myself smart and interesting to women, ultimately for the same goal though.

2. Career- I need money to live, and video games are a distraction in every sense of the word. I feel like video games took me away from an actual potential calling. I think the final straw that broke this camel's back was applying to a 12 dollar an hour large video gaming store and not receiving the position due to a multitude of corrupt politics. I feel like this shattered and disrupted my inner child far more than you might think- and it questions my very perceptions of games and culture.

So I guess, the question is- how can I come to terms with my past and accept the time I spent playing video games? Did I ultimately leave video gaming culture behind because I was perceiving myself as the worst kind of geek? Why was my time playing games bittersweet? (As both a large soft spot and an utter disgust simultaneously?

On the plus side, video games stimulated my desire to visit Japan, and ultimately, my love of travel....so there's that.

[waterknob1234]

Well, unfortunately the only thing we can do about the past is learn from it. Boy if I could go back to being 18 or 20 years old I would have done things so differently. You make it sound as if you were almost addicted to video games. But you seem to have your head on straight and you know you want to do bigger things in your life. That is good. Purse education, career, and positive relationships Best of wishes to you.

[perseverance11]

Hello,

I would say like waterknob.
You can learn from it to be a better person and to develop your talents and things like that.

But I don't think you were wasting your time. Each day has his reasons to exist.

perseverance11

[Bigmike727]

Hi, I was a pretty big gamer when I was younger myself, infact I still play videogames when I get some little free time, it helps take my mind off the stress (My favourite series is S.T.A.L.K.E.R.). Sometimes I too wonder if I could have been occupying myself with better things, but honestly I grew up in a small town with few friends, so there honestly was not much to do. I guess we can only look back on the past and try not to make the same mistake twice. Wishing you the best.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I wish I spent more time doing other things, but I needed the distraction after all the crap going on at home and at school, and God knows what else. >.< I've finally gotten to the point in which I struggle to play games, because it just feels like a huge waste of time, ... time is precious. I'd rather have guitar practice, studying German, watching something educational, or do something social. Anything to make me feel alive and productive.

[Kabuto]

Originally Posted by Zwangsstörung

I wish I spent more time doing other things, but I needed the distraction after all the crap going on at home and at school, and God knows what else. >.< I've finally gotten to the point in which I struggle to play games, because it just feels like a huge waste of time, ... time is precious. I'd rather have guitar practice, studying German, watching something educational, or do something social. Anything to make me feel alive and productive.

I hold very similar sentiments, anything to avoid wasting time. I can't believe all the times I played video games and even watched reruns on television. I hold very heavy regrets- but there's no turning back the clock. And at least those regrets aren't as strong as the regrets some people have- people who have lost loved ones and such. I lost a chance with a really great former girl, but that's about it. (And I acknowledge it wouldn't have likely worked with her and I anyway).