[usered]

Hello I have been living with depression my whole adult life. As a teenager I was in therapy and was briefly hospitalized for my depression, since then I have been managing it myself. About a year ago I started a new job hoping to develop a new support system and it went horribly wrong. I got really sick about 6 months ago and didn't know what was wrong with me, at the time I had no health ins. and was really scared. Eventually I had to go to the ER, partly to save my job because they didn't believe I was ill. Turns out I had a kidney stone. I signed up for healthcare through healtcare.gov and went to the doctor. I scheduled surgery and had to wait while they hoped the stone would pass. I told my employer about this and they seemed supportive. However, a week before my surgery they let me go for what they deemed an attitude problem, but my attitude was really my depression coupled with the intense pain from the kidney stone. I had no choice but to go on unemployment and have the surgery done, if I hadn't I couldn't find a new job because I was ill. The procedure involved having a stent placed inside me which I was told would be inconvenient. The stent was excruciatingly painful and left me completely unable to get out of bed for 9 days. This really aggravated my depression. The end result of this is that my support system is no longer available to me. I try not to depend on my work support that much, but as I get older it becomes more important for me. My mother is very supportive, but she lives 1000 miles away and can't help me as much as I need. I do have friends, but it's difficult to talk to them about my depression. I know I need to see a therapist, but was hoping to find a new job first since finding a therapist can be as challenging as finding a new place to work. My job hunt has taken longer than expected and my depression has only worsened during that time. Last week I needed help and I knew it. I finally called my local crisis hotline and went in to speak to a therapist. Unfortunately the experience left me feeling far worse than before. I keep trying to remind myself that the therapist I spoke to was really trying to help me, but I felt very judged and didn't feel like she believed what I was saying. It was very difficult to contact the crisis line and now I feel really stuck. My only other alternative is to go to the ER, but I used to work at the hospital where the ER is located and don't feel comfortable doing that because I would have to see old co-workers and deal with all the gossip it would generate. So I'm reaching out and posting here. I've found social media (like Facebook) isn't a positive experience so I'm trying to find positive alternatives like this forum. Thank you for listening and any support is appreciated.

[waterknob1234]

Hello usered and welcome to pc. Wow, you have been thru a terrible time. I think you are holding up well considering everything you have been thru. Kidney stones hurt worse than having a baby is what I have been told. They say the pain is excruciating. Some people can have the shock wave surgery to get rid of them but it sounds like you had to have something more extensive. Stents are painful too. Your experience sounds a little like mine in that my depression started up after a major complicated gallbladder surgery summer 2013. People at work can be downright mean and unsupportive. Are you still getting unemployment? I hope so. It also sounds like you need to get a different therapist. Best of wishes for you. I wish I knew something good to tell you, but I will tell you that I care and I hope things work out better for you. Message me any time you like. You will find that people on this forum are very caring and helpful.

[usered]

Thank you so much. I am getting unemployment, but my employer is now challenging my claim. What's worse is they waited 2 months to do so and if they win I am required to pay back all the money that unemployment has paid me in that time. What really hurts is that I know they waited just to cause me more grief. I was a good employee and feel really frustrated that it ended so badly. I don't know what I could have done to prevent the situation I'm in now and that is depressing in and of itself. It makes me feel like I can't win. I need a new job, of course. My depression is making it really hard to go to interviews and be the upbeat happy person employers want to hire. I know finding a new job would help. At the very least it would keep me busy and keep my mind from racing to dark places. Thank you for listening and caring.

[usered]

The phone number of the therapist the crisis therapist gave me is disconnected. Could they make this any more difficult?

[usered]

Took me all day, a long long time from my perspective, but I found a therapist. Don't even know if it will help. I know not to get my hopes up too much, but this was really hard. Gonna consider this a small victory, but a victory. However small.