[TheOriginalMe]

This week I have been in a depression where my mood hasn't lifted significantly for a year. My depression hasn't been properly controlled for over three years now, in that time I've had the occasional period of respite but it has never lasted more than a couple of months at the most. Strangely, before that I managed 8 years med free. It seems somehow I became treatment resistant while med free as since going back on meds nothing has worked.

My latest anti-depressant Valdoxan hasn't had time to kick in yet, but the Cymbalta is out of my system so there is nothing to keep me going. I don't see myself ever getting better or even to a stage where the worst of the symptoms are controlled. I am in as bad a state as I've ever been, I think about harming myself in some way just about every waking hour, I am only safe because I can't be bothered to try or even come up with a plan, it is too much effort, I'd rather sleep. My previous attempts lead me to believe that I am destined not to succeed, anyhow this depression won't be erased by death.

I'm feeling forgotten, discarded, decayed.

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

This week I have been in a depression where my mood hasn't lifted significantly for a year. My depression hasn't been properly controlled for over three years now, in that time I've had the occasional period of respite but it has never lasted more than a couple of months at the most. Strangely, before that I managed 8 years med free. It seems somehow I became treatment resistant while med free as since going back on meds nothing has worked.

My latest anti-depressant Valdoxan hasn't had time to kick in yet, but the Cymbalta is out of my system so there is nothing to keep me going. I don't see myself ever getting better or even to a stage where the worst of the symptoms are controlled. I am in as bad a state as I've ever been, I think about harming myself in some way just about every waking hour, I am only safe because I can't be bothered to try or even come up with a plan, it is too much effort, I'd rather sleep. My previous attempts lead me to believe that I am destined not to succeed, anyhow this depression won't be erased by death.

I'm feeling forgotten, discarded, decayed.

Hello OriginalMe: I'm so sorry you are so unwell. I've done both the self-harm & the attempted suicide routines. So I have some idea of how you're feeling. I still think about dying, either by my own hand or otherwise, every day. But I also know I must keep going. So I do. I do hope that, once your new med has taken effect, that you will begin to feel better. I'm glad to see that you are at least still able to post here on PC. Continue to do so. As I'm sure you know, it helps. You are certainly not forgotten, discarded or decayed here on PC.

[kaliope]

don't give up hope. the miracle could be right around the corner. I was depressed for thirty years. self harm, suicidal, just praying and planning to die. then it finally happened. the right antidepressant, therapy, timing, I don't know, but I have been depression free for over five years now and it has been wonderful. hang in there.

[Idiot17]

Oh I know those feelings well.....sorry no two cents from me. ((((((Originalme ))))))

[lizzyjb]

Hugs, I know how you feel.

[Altered Moment]

I know exactly how you feel. I have had a respite since April but in the last three days it is coming back big time. The meds were working so good and now I don't know. It is not fair. I had a horrible night. Waking up every hour with anxiety and paranoia. Suicidal thoughts intruding. How does this happen?

[lizzyjb]

Every time i stand up I always tell to myself is the last, never fall down again... But when I do again I can't understand how it happened again

[waterknob1234]

I understand how you feel. Depression gets so old. I've been on different meds that don't work. I have thought about ending my life. I hope things get better for you. You are very much loved and cared for here on pc. You have been very kind to me when I needed someone to talk to. Lots of hugs to you.