[Alamut]

Few months ago I wrote about my problems and hardships due to losing jobs. After losing jobs me and my gf moved into my parents home. What a puny, pathetic mistake. I decided to break the situation up and recently found an apartment me and my gf will move to. No more staying with my parents. I don't have a steady job, but **** it. This decision to move in with them was the single most pathetic, foul, vile decision I ever made in my life and I will never forget myself for being so stupid, or lazy, or simply naive to believe that moving to my parents home will be any good for my gf and me.

My parents are a ****ing mess and I have no business in fixing their "we0re divorced but we'll live in the same house" situation and frankly I don't care. I really don't. I don't want them to come over for a visit and I don't want them to interfere in my life by asking me stupid mundane questions while never addressing real issues. I'm out of this forsaken house in couple of days and I will rather sleep under the collapsed bridge than go back to this shithole ever again.

With that being said I still have troubles trying to figure out how should I master my own faith. I don't want to work for someone else my entire life. At this moment I'm half-employed (complicated situation...I'll explain if anyone's interested) on this project with a acquaintance of mine and every new day I spend being "in" on the project, I feel more resentment towards him.

We aren't exactly friends, but I can say we're buddies, if that makes any sense. I'm dedicated to his project for sole reason of hoping one day I'll get compensated for my troubles. The only issue I have is of course, money. Who would've thought, right?

Since we're buddies we didn't set any specifics and/or boundaries regarding my input on his project. That means that I've spent numerous, countless hours on this project. Any times of day, my phone is available for him to call and give the next command. I'm also available for his venting. Like for instance, right now. Something went wrong with the orders and who's to blame, me of course - who else. Even though we have a guy who's actually working with those products we order, he doesn't want to be bothered with mundane tasks of dealing with ordering. So I do it.

Few weeks ago there was a huge blunder with the orders and who was to blame - me of course. But eventually...they realized where the mistake happened and who did the mistake? My buddy the boss. Did he admit? No. Did he apologize for giving me **** for days prior to realizing I'm not to blame? Nope. And now we're at it again, another blunder with the order and I'm to blame and whatever reasoning I offer, doesn't matter. I'm the schmuck who ****ed it up.

I'm sick of working on it. I don't get payed, I'm treated poorly, and I'm expected to give all of my time into it. I'm 30years old treated like 18 and payed like 10, but my sole brokeness and desperation keeps me clinging on this. But judging by the tone of his voice I know I'm on the line. But I don't care.

I don't care if he dumps me from the project. But I know he won't pay me any money he owes me, and the debts go year back. Since we're "buddies" I always kept working on good faith. This is a recurring theme in my life, I've done this move so many times that I really can't blame anyone but me for this. Working for/with a "buddy" and not getting payed is my signature move in life.

I need a purge but I'm too broke to make it. What kind of purge can I make. I don't know. Move out somewhere where they actually pay.

I don't know if any of you will understand this but - all of these past experiences in my working career brought me to a point where I don't really believe in earning comfortably. My only perception is struggle and stress and getting duped. When someone talks about working for someone who's paying on time and compensating well, I automatically have "I'll never achieve that" thought in my head.

I don't believe I'll ever be in a "stable" working environment.

[lostconfusedhopeles]

what do you do for work?

[Alamut]

I'm in IT. But for this "company", buddy, I don't even know how to address it, I do all kinds of work. But that's ok I don't get a paycheck for it. But that's ok, I get lectures from him every now and then over the phone, so that's enough of compensation for me.

[Rohag]

Good to read you are getting out of a dysfunctional physical environment. I hope that change will lead to more changes for the better.

[Fuzzybear]

[glok]

I wish you well, Alamut.