I can't do this anymore

My sister has come home again and like always, I become the martyr when defending myself against her.

She meddles in my life, what I do, what I wear, how I look, my room and everything.

Just now she complained to my mom and freaked out, critizied us for not helping in the kitchen. It upset my mom and me and my brother were brought into it by her telling us that we don't help, said my room was messy and then went onto saying that we should pay to stay at home.

I defended myself by saying I cleaned and I just went through finals, I clean the house all the time and I do everything for my parents so they don't have to. I saved up for the upcoming 3 months where I don't get paid and I have some things I want to buy.

My sister goes on about how I should move out, but the money just haven't been there.

God I want to, because then I don't have to see her.

Of course as always my mom surrenders and silently bows to my sisters endless rain of blows, she agrees with her and then it's suddenly me who's the black sheep.

Oh I'm acting out, oh well I should do this and that and I'm just unruly and idk.

I can't take it anymore....

I want to cry and I just hate her so much.

I thought she had changed.

And now, dinner is ready and everything is fine once again.

My sister can say whatever she wants, because she's always right in the end.

She comes 2 times a month, but don't see what I do daily.

I just can't... I HATE her so much... I HATE HER.

Ok, I just sat down and ate my dinner quietly and my sister then speaks up and tells me to stop staring at my plate...

And I then begin to defend myself, my mom attacks...

And then it's me that's something wrong with.

I have throughout the past 7 years tried to make her stop controlling me and it's always the same, I'm too sensitive, I don't take constructive criticism and so on.

My mom sides with my sister.

She keeps telling us to buy organic, change this and that yet she buys candy that has 50 million preservatives in it...

Right now they're discussing me and how I always take things to heart.

But it isn't fair, because every time she comes she controls me and tells me what to do.

I tell her off and then it's the same over and over.

It's always something.

I have the impression your sister not only wants to control you (I suspect you'll never be 'good enough' for her) but feeds off your self-defense.

Have you tried not defending yourself -- taking the "Don't feed the Troll" approach?

Building a strong boundary between you and your sister may be a prerequisite for your own healing.

I have tried EVERYTHING, I read articles on the internet about controlling people and nothing works because my mom defends her.

I guess as long as I live at home, I can't do anything.

I just feel like I'm slowly dying here...

I'm utterly shocked by how my family reacts towards me though I've done absolutely nothing. How can it be acceptable to let someone come home and criticize EVERYTHING and invade someones life like this...

It's beyond me.

Yes it's her home as well, but it's just not okay and I feel so helpless toward her because she's my sister and my mothers child...

I feel like I have to make my mom choose, because I'm slowly getting aware of what I have to do when I move out. My sister won't change and my mom will always take her side, so I'll end up cutting ties with them both for my own sake..

I just can't believe that it's necessary...

Hello, Nat92. I wish you well.