[Crook32]

I feel ridiculous about how I am feeling towards my therapist leaving. It is just stupid. I am the reason for my mood and should just be able to stop all this madness.

The return of suicidal thoughts always has me scared. Just not sure my kids will always be enough motivation to fight. I am such a loser. It feels like depression will always get the better of me in the end.

Why does this always seem to return?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[gma45]

You sound ok to me. Feeling a bit sad I believe would be appropriate. Has your therapist suggested anyone else you could see? You are NOT a loser! I get lost when my support system go's away. That's one reason I like this place it is not face to face but it is here for support most of the time. I would check into getting a new therapist. I know it won't be the same but it might help.

[Crook32]

No she hasn't suggested anyone yet but she said she would. I wash hoping to stick it out with her until she leaves but after our last session I am not sure that would be best. I was too anxious and angry to get anything productive done.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[shabur]

If you have some time before you make a change, it may be a good idea to see her to do closure so you don't have these feelings.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Crook, I'd say that it was normal to have negative reactions/feelings if someone you had a good relationship with (?) left, or someone you shared personal things/feelings with (?), someone you saw as part of your life/a source of support/part of your coping structure (?), maybe someone you saw as a bit of a "safety net" (?) for if..........and afterall it sounds like your T wasn't just "a therapist"/interchangable with someone/anyone else at any given moment.........but a person too. And that's how therapy should be, involving/including a connection with a person.
And if you're depressed naturally those reactions/feelings might well escalate. So it's not stupid!!
And: "I am the reason for my mood and should just be able to stop all this madness".........well I certainly wouldn't be seeing you as "to blame" for your feelings.........your/the circumstances, the depression.............I would say were responsible for the intensity of your feelings.
And you know that with depression it isn't just a choice of rationally telling yourself............and switching off those feelings, it goes much deeper than that.
So I'd say that....sadness of all/any shades.....chances are it is going to be there under the circumstances, and something to accept/try to come to terms with and move on from, but the rest.......the depression, the deeper thoughts/feelings (including about them leaving) is probably something you are going to need some help with.
And maybe (??) your therapist is actually a good person to help you with some of those feelings before they leave, as it sounds as if you've covered quite a bit with them and you may be able to be more open with them than someone else right now. Certainly with the closure aspect, however angry/anxious you were last session. Maybe the next session/s will need to be about dealing with those immediate feelings instead of "progress". But coming to deal with them could be just as much, if not more important than "progress".
And NO, you're not a loser, you're depressed and even the strongest people can be hit by depression. It doesn't say anything about you that you are. It's now maybe as much about finding the help/support in overcoming it, it may not be easy but............
So maybe worth starting to look for another therapist or getting a recommendation from your current therapist for one, for after they leave?? Talking to your pdoc if you have one, or doctor?? And of course, talking to us, hey??
Alison