"Well why are you depressed?"

My wonderful pdoc is on maternity leave and I had this lady standing in for her today. She rudely and repeatedly asked me why I was depressed, I'm sorry I don't have a good enough reason for you.

Stupidest, most infuriating question in the world!!! One of the primary reasons I don't share this with people IRL. If I knew why, I could either 'fix' it or prevent it, or at least not feel so messed up about it. This is the kind of question you get from people who equate depression with feeling really, really sad. They know that when they get sad, there's a reason...so what's our reason? Very nearly the worst thing I can be asked when I'm in a depressive episode.

So sorry you had to deal with that.

Exactly right. That's why I don't go to therapy anymore. If I had the answer to this conundrum I would have solved the problem myself long ago.

I would tell her that my genes decided to flip out and are expressing them selves all backwards and that there is no logical explanation for it that science understands. Maybe she could tell you.

(((((((( Blue Bird ))))))))

Shame has played a big role in precipitating my depression.

To the therapist, I say what is also disconcerting is your inability to help me overcome or ameliorate the depression I present. Is asking me why I am depressed an acknowledgment on your part you have run out of ideas to try that have the potential to help me?

More than one therapist has told me they no longer think they can help me.

I hate this question
I've had a lot of doctors who have asked me this, and almost seem to get annoyed when I tell them I don't know - you'd think they would understand, after all they deal with mental health problems every day!

I hope you never have to deal with someone so ignorant again. Hugs!

Wow, stupid question. It's not just a one word or simple sentence question for anyone. Most people don't even know they are depressed until 5 years later! I would have been smart and told her because I have to see you today.

I'm sorry your pdoc is on leave.

Like there has to be a d***ed reason for being depressed?? Seriously, ppl like that really piss me off. She has no business being in the medical profession if she asks crap like that. I've been asked it before too, so I can sympathize. I also went to one pdoc who actually asked me if my acne was bothering me. I was like no, not until you said something you ***hole.

Why does this question bother people so much? Usually there IS reason, or at least factors making our depression worse.

And if we never dig to roots of why or what makes us feel bad... how will one heal?

(I'd be more offended if any "professional" assumed they know why am I depressed)

It's the attitude it was asked repeatedly with, completely unnecessary. It's kind of you had to be there thing to understand the way she acted, eye roll, etc.

I think because very often there is no apparent reason for it happening. It just happens. Of course there can be situations or triggers that cause it and we should explore those as much as possible. Often I am totally perplexed as to why I got depressed. There is no situation that I can point to or trigger. Triggers are more likely for me and I do have to identify them.

I don't know if I'm just stupid or being silly, but my first therapist asked me this question once. The thing is, the question itself really bugged me because when she asked why are you depressed, I immediately thought "oh no, she thinks I'm depressed too, that means she can SEE it, that means OTHERS see it too, hence it must be the TRUTH". A little part of me still didn't want to believe that I was really depressed, and this kind of kills off that little part. I mean I know I said I was depressed in the beginning of the interview, but what I really meant to say was "I think I am depressed, please prove me wrong." A part of me wants the therapist to argue with me, even fight with me, to force facts and truths to the surface. When they ask "Why are you depressed?" that kind of almost renders the therapy useless right from the beginning. Often, the key thing behind not quitting on something is to deny or not believe what is being "shown" to you. If you and others want something to be true, there will always be "evidence". As I said, I may have a stupid opinion here, but to me this question is almost saying "It's OK to quit fighting, you're right, you have THIS problem".

I'm just an idiot, a little man in a big world, and I realize that. But, it is my humble opinion only, that we, as people, scientists, psychologists, doctors, etc. cannot possibly know all the ins and outs of the entity we call "depression". I believe that what many of us have may look like depression, feel like depression, even manifest like depression, and then it still might not even be depression. That is why when we try to treat depression, we get no result, because we don't have it to begin with. There is so much we don't know. That is why, even something as simple as asking "Why are you DEPRESSED?" could be a massive error leading you down a wrong road for so many years, looking for answers in the wrong places. Haha, I'm so confused now, I don't even know if I'm really depressed or not.

i agree w/ Venus. - if the therapist is not allowed or isn't suppose to ask the most fundamental of questions to at least try to get a handle, an idea of what made you feel depressed today - what is she/he suppose to do - just look at you and get a clue telepathically? people can't even begin to help if they don't have any type of clue.

The way the question was worded was wrong. Putting aside the non-verbal cues (rolling eyes, etc) and assuming the therapist was acting in your best interests then the question should have been "Are you aware of anything that could be contributing to or exacerbating your depression?" A less hostile question is more likely to elicit a response, even if that response is only to ask for another prompt, e.g. "Such as........" The therapist asked a question that shut the conversation down, so no wonder you are hacked off.

I ask myself that all the time. It is hard enough for us to know, but I understand the anger when people who don't experience depression ask that oddly uncomfortable question. Praying for you! I'm hurting too.

ignore silly questions.

I think it was more the way she asked it. It irritates me when people ask me why I'm depressed and act annoyed that I don't always know. If she was genuinely concerned, like asking about triggers and such, then that's one thing. But it sounds like she was being rude to me, especially if she rolled her eyes. I've had nurses and doctors do similar things to me, and it's very upsetting. Also, I have an aunt who does not understand, even though she is depressed, and she constantly asks me why I'm depressed, and when I say I don't know, she's like WELL THERE HAS TO BE A REASON, YOU DON'T JUST GET DEPRESSED FOR NO REASON. And she says it just like that, rudely and mean-spiritedly. I'm sure there are reasons, but I think the biggest one is chemical imbalance in my brain. I don't always have an answer to that and I guess it pisses some people off, like it did to that lady.

For me it would depend on how they ask it, I mean if they are seriously asking like what things in life I think contributed or how long I've been feeling that way I wouldn't be offended. But if I went to a therapist and they where asking in a condescending way like 'well what is it this time that's depressing you' then I'd be bothered since depressive disorders tend to be ongoing and there isn't always a direct reason why sometimes it worsens why sometimes it seems to lift a little and such.

If a professional just assumed they knew it all without talking in depth with me I'd be offended to, I've actually had that happen the first time I was in a psych ward by the psychiatrist I had to talk to.

Ha, I've never had a T or a P ask me that. It was obvious I'm depressed, and have high anxiety, but the real focus is why. My T is trying to figure out where my high anxiety is coming from and how my depression is tied to it. That appears to be driving my obsessive thoughts. It's very complex how the mind is conducting and feeding the two back and forth.

It's just not that simple for everyone.

I will say a very good T really pushed me on the last session, got me pissed off and I told her to ****ing stop it. But later it made me think a certain way, and that push did help. Not saying yours will help, especially since it was your first visit

There are actually underlying hidden messages in depression, spiritual questions about your true self and life. Change is important. A lot of people who have depression had been through stressful, traumatic experiences.

I would be tempted to say to her 'well at the moment, the main cause is standing here listening to you being rude to me'
Some people are just lacking in skills !!

For me there are certain factors/triggers that send me into depressive episodes and other people bullying me is one of them. I know that making changes is vital however very difficult at present. I'm currently in dark place, ill.

People want to know why you're depressed so they can get some understanding I think and justification for why you feel bad. And if its not good enough for them , if they don't get your depression they say mean and unhelpful things.

I don't currently see a psychiatrist or therapist because I have no money, but in the past, I've been asked why I'm depressed. I don't mind the question because I know why. I mind the reaction. The reaction is always to say nothing much at all other than, "Okay." Why bother ask if you're not going to provide any input? I just told you about all of the situations in my life that are making me miserable, and you can't even extend an "I'm sorry."?