[lucyb]

I don't really know where to post this. But hi I'm new and have a lot of mental health issues.
I am feeling lately very isolated. Disconnected. I don't know if it's because my medication has been changed or maybe I'm having a precurser to a psychotic episode. I don't say that lightly I have had them before. Nothing severe but still greatly effects my life.
One of my symptoms is different. I feel disconnected from reality, just like depersonalisation but more so. Confused. Time seems to speed up and slow down. When I am doing something (at work) I have thoughts like "have I really done this before" "do I work here" is this really what I do or am I doing everything all wrong." really odd feelings of confusion.
Time speeds up and slows down. I feel like everything is taking forever but generally I'm on schedule. A little slow sometimes. When I'm done a task I can't believe time has passed at all. It was there and than it wasn't.
But. I haven't fantasized about suicide or self harm or the other stranger thoughts I usually fixate on that are centered around terrible accidents causing me great physical harm.
Instead I'm out to lunch. Forgetful. I miss my bus. I can't figure out what I'm doing in the middle of doing things. I'm worried my inattention at work will hurt someone or myself. But i fixate less on death and dying and body disfigurement.
The only person I can talk to is my psychiatrist. The only thing she can do is take me off work until I'm sorted. But when I'm not doing something I feel a panic or restlessness that things need to be done and I'm forgetting something important. These feelings are disruptive to my schedule and I'm paralyzed with fear.

my bio:
I'm almost 30. Female. Common law for 10 years or so. Mental illnesses are a secret from everyone except my SO and doctors. They include: childhood schizophrenia. Anxiety. Drug resistant depression. Hypomania. Avoidant personality disorder. Survivor of abuse. Ptsd.

I've been on almost all the drugs out there except high doses of antipsychotics because I'm afraid of the weight gain. I've seen lots of doctors.

I have not ever been part of a support group. Maybe I need to. But real face to face people are far too intimidating. So maybe I'll start here if anyone can manage through my long winded rant.

Something set me off today and I did some things out of control. I'm fine but concerned in the future I'll lose control again. I hate being hospitalized.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, lucyb. Does you treatment team know about what you are experiencing? Perhaps, you could print copies of your post for them? Seems like some adjustments in the treatment plan are indicated.

I wish you well.

[lucyb]

Thanks I will let my psychiatrist know. My sessions are every couple weeks though and in the meantime I'm looking to connect (I guess) reach out maybe? In my time of semi-crisis.