[NakamuraRie]

Okay so, hopefully some of you will remember a thread I posted about getting a therapist without my mom knowing stuff, well I decided to talk to the counselor at my school next week, but then.. I told my boyfriend that think I needed to see a therapist and I need to get meds and he blew a gasket.. He told me that if his love isn't enough for me then he doesn't see why we should be together and that he doesn't want to be with someone who just wants to be on pills... He doesn't understand that "love" isn't going to fix this.. But I really love him and I don't know what to do.. >.< I was so close to getting help, now I'm lost all my confidence to talk to the counselor and I feel worse about myself.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to lose him.. >.< What must I do?

[NakamuraRie]

Oh and I would like to add that his mom had depression for a while, as she was in an abusive relationship.

[TheOriginalMe]

You should go ahead and see the counsellor. I wouldn't bring it up again with your boyfriend until after your appointment, what he doesn't know can't hurt him. Ask the counsellor if there is any literature for friends and family to explain the best way of supporting you through this time, if your boyfriend has some practical ways of supporting you it might help him come to terms with what you are going through. Your boyfriend loves you but he seems to want a little bit too much control, perhaps because he witnessed his mum being in an abusive relationship. Gently explain to him that he isn't the cause of your depression and so his love can't be the cure but that he can be an important part of the healing process.

Good luck

[Altered Moment]

I'm am afraid I wouldn't be as tactful as TheOriginalMe is so I will hold my tongue. I hope your boyfriend will get more educated on the issue. Please don't let it stop you from getting the help you need.

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[DogTired]

I 100% agree with TheOriginalMe and zinco14532323 - see the counselor and ask him/her for advice on how to proceed with the boyfriend. Your boyfriend can't control someone else's depression by wishing it away or even by loving it away. It doesn't work that way. But his support would help you feel more secure in your decision to seek help from a professional. I hope he comes around but if he doesn't, you shouldn't sacrifice getting the help you need for his approval! Easier said than done, I know, but it's true. Love is supporting someone through troubled times; love in and of itself isn't therapy. I've tried to rely on loved ones as surrogate therapists before and it really, REALLY didn't work. It's not fair to them to take on that role and not good for the depressed person, who needs clinical help in addition to love and support. I hope your boyfriend can come to see that.

[DogTired]

btw, when I needed therapy for my first major bout with depression which was one year after I was married, my husband came along to see the therapist a couple of times and it made a HUGE difference in how he understood what I was going through, and how he could help me. He did want to help me, but had no clue how to go about it. Maybe some time your boyfriend could see the counselor as well, and get some reassurance that his role in all of this is crucial and be given some direction on how to help you the most.

[woundedsoul]

I've been hiding behind wall of depression/anxiety and something unknown but very very strong and destructive, but that i now know is most likely to be BPD, since I was a child, and I'm 40 now. There are many reasons I had as to why I could tell you that I didn't want to admit that there was a problem. In the early years, I didn't want to get my dad in trouble for what he did to me, because even though I hated what he did, I still loved my dad. I know that sick, but I was just a kid, and your mind is so messed up. Later on, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what had happened, I felt dirty, like a *****. Especially the older I got. I could go on and on, give reason after reason why not to get help. Or I can give you one good reason why you should go get treatment right now, because you are worth it, you deserve it, so demand it! Now go and get it, and don't let anyone else stop you!

[NakamuraRie]

Thank you all for your advice.. His mom ended up buying me this natural antidepressant stuff she was on for a while, and he was really upset, but I spent the weekend with him and we spoke about it a bit, he's not happy, but he's calmed down a bit and he's not as angry about it, actually I think he's accepting it. He asks me about how I feel and what I'm thinking.. (: I really hope he's going to be okay with all this.. Things are looking good at the moment

[woundedsoul]

I'm glad that it seems like he's going to be okay with you getting treatment, but if the homeopathic med's don't work, please don't hesitate to see a psychologist and get a prescription medication. In the end, it's not him that is important here, it's you that I'm concerned about. You can't let what someone else thinks about being on mental health medication dictate whether or not you get help for your illness. Because that is what it is. An illness. And it's treatable, and manageable. And without treatment, it can interfere with every pat of your life. People who have never dealt with these types of issues don't understand how devestating they can be, and how important it is to seek treatment. So please, make sure you put yourself first, always. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here.