[deadpoet]

I hate the way I'm feeling. Since my partner of 24 years called it quits, my life has been in a downward spiral. I feel I'm too old, unactractive, and isolated to be a part of society-like I'm the neediest guy on the planet. Where I live, it's very difficult to have a social life without a car, and I can't afford one. I've been living with several chronic diseases for nearly a quarter of a century now, and I just don't have the will to push myself through dissapointment. I'm on an anti-depressant, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. Seeing phsychaitric services in this state is expensive, and I'm "living" on disability. My family is on the other side of the country, and have kind of had it with me. They have a lot to deal with without my struggles, and I feel like I've exhausted their compassion. I'm not sure where to turn next, and I'm losing all hope of a brighter future fast.

[deadpoet]

I can't seem to shake the notion that my life is behind me, or that I'll ever enjoy the things I've had and lost over the past few years. With the end of my relationship (not my choice), I feel lost and alone, confused, inadequate and hopeless. Some days are so dark for me all I want to do is sleep.