[dennis96411]

Where do I begin...? This is going to be something that can be typed out in a few sentences.

Let me first say that I'm currently 18 years of age. I have no job; never had one. I have no close friends that I frequently associate with in my high school class and did have friends.

I haven't always been this way. When I was young, I was the happiest, most enthusiastic kid you would meet. I was very outgoing, and talked to everyone I met. I was just like any other normal kid. Then I moved to the U.S. from China at the age of 9. In the beginning, things were great. I associated with everyone pretty well, made new friends, and was also the same cheerful kid I once was.

Then things changed around age 14. My closest friend, who was also my next-door neighbor, left for college. He was the one who would gather all the neighborhood kids and played. The neighborhood slowly turned silent. All the neighborhood kids stopped coming out, myself included, since no one organized gatherings. I began turning to the Internet for all of my entertainment, and wouldn't you know it, I had become addicted to it.

Things didn't get any better as time went on. I stopped associating with people outside of school, and my self-esteem had gotten lower and lower. I became more depressed... well, more like unhappy. I even stopped associating with my parents. I began underappreciating things around me, and basically stopped caring about everything, even myself. I have basically become isolated from the world. Nothing seems to spark interest in me. I'm about to go to college in a few weeks, and my current metal and psychological conditions worry me.

Here is a list of things that bother me:
1. I'm always in an unhappy mood. I have no idea why I'm unhappy. My living conditions are great; I have fantastic, caring parents; and I'm about to head off to college, which should be exciting.
2. I feel apathetic toward everything. I just seem to care about nothing. I feel unappreciative. My parents are giving me a full-ride college education, and I don't even seem interested. Most people would kill for that kind of luxury, and I'm just sitting here watching paint dry, doing nothing to help myself.
3. I feel emotionally unstable. I'm not really talking about feeling up one minute and then crying my eyes out the next. I can't take simple criticism without being completely defensive and feeling hurt.
4. I feel like I have ADD. This has actually been happening long before the other problems. I have not been clinically diagnosed with it since I have never bothered bringing it to my parents' attention. Well, I did once, a long time ago (when I was around 13); I told my dad that I thought I had ADD, and he simply shrugged it off, saying it was a phase thing. I always put things off till the last minute, including major projects for school which were critical to my grades. I'm easily distracted; the Internet can probably be blamed for this one since there's an abundance of distractions on it, but this seems to also happen when I'm not actually on it. I am forgetful; "Oh, we met a few minutes ago? What was your name again?"; "You told me to do laundry this morning? I don't recall..."; "The essay is due today?!"; "It's dad's birthday tomorrow?"
5. I am afraid of associating with people. This might as well be social anxiety. I guess it's because I'm afraid of being judged or rejected, as mentioned before. I never make eye contact to the person I am talking to. Even when walking around the house, I watch carefully the pose I walk in.
6. I feel immature for my age. I might be 18 on the outside, but I sure feel like a 13 year old loser on the inside. I do nothing people my age are doing. I have no job, serious hobbies, or any interest in anything that doesn't involve computers. I also don't seem to take responsibility for my actions. I engage in conversations on the Internet using meme talk, and have a sadistic intent to troll people and cause drama. I'm basically useless in the real world.
7. I have low self-esteem. I always have negative thoughts toward my own success. When I see someone doing something that seems out of my reach, I tell myself I'll never be able to do the same.
8. I feel unmotivated. Nothing seems to interest me. When I do something, I'm only doing it because of consequences of not doing them. I don't ever say "Today, I'm going to do something new!" It's always the same thing: moping around at home and doing nothing.

There may be a few things I left out, but I think I have listed the majority of my problems. My parents are really worried about my wellbeing; my mom is even starting to regret supporting me financially through college since I'm not turning out to be anyone useful. I need some help here. How can I turn my life back to the way it was? I want to be somebody; to have a life; to not be a waste of air for society and my family.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, dennis96411.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. You can find a lot of support here. My daughter was very similar from 13 until 19. She definitely had depression because she had a suicide attempt. At around 19 she totally snapped out of it and is very happy and interested in school and gets good grades, wants to do new things etc. So it is possible things will get better as you get older.

In the mean time I would tell your parents of your struggles and that you think you may have depression. Get some professional help with this. You can't help it and need some help. People will think you are lazy and don't care so you have to tell them what is going on. You obviously care and want to be better.