rock bottom.

Maybe I should just rant.

Had been doing okay... doctors were optimistic about my outlook. They were seeing much progress...

now? Hit rock bottom. There's so many factors that leads to this..

Feeling sui... parts of me have a plan in place... I don't know. Should I go to my pdoc? My T keeps telling me to "fly solo" and I am unsure of what step to take. This sadness has been going on for a week. I cannot do much anymore. Starting to self harm on a regular basis.

All I just want to do is isolate myself. Either that or.. just end it all.

Do your T and pdoc know about this change and how hard things are getting for you? I'd like to think that if your T was aware they wouldn't be pushing you to fly solo.

I think it's time that you reach out to someone for some more support.

Do you want to talk about the factors that have lead to this?

We're here for you

I hope you will reach out to your care providers so they can try and help you.
That's what they are there for, we can't always fly solo especially when we are in a lot of pain.
Hang in there

It's kinda long so that's why I don't really list out all the factors..

Meeting my pdoc tomorrow and I'm kind ashamed to see her. I don't know what I should say even. No they don't know and tomorrow would the start of them knowing.

Thanks guys.

Good luck with everything tomorrow

Don't be ashamed to see her. They are there to help when we are in need of some more support, but it is nothing to be ashamed of.

As for what to say....you could print this thread? Or you could make a few bullet points of how you are feeling, how long it's been going on. The thoughts and the urges that you are getting with it.

Did up some points on my tablet and let her read it as a conversations starter. I still feel ashamed though - maybe it's because I don't want to face this. Maybe I don't want to acknowledge that I've hit here again after months of "stability."