[puzzclar]

. haven't felt this way in awhile. Then again haven't been so confused. Tomorrow..... no tonight I have to come clean. Because I can't face my addiction, I've thought of suicide. I have thought that I'm evil because of what I do in less than 5% of my week. And part of the time I pretend I am something that I'm not. I'm not happy, or even..... me. Addiction has taken over my life, and now I'm in a pit of darkness, wanting someone to talk too.

[Mayson]

I'm new here, so I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post something on here or not.

Coming clean is one of the best things a person can do, it opens up doors that you have kept locked tight so many times before.

But now that these doors are open, confusion on the next step is your next big problem, and I advise against making any permanent solutions to this temporary problem.

What is also confusing is that each door you step through is another room, with more doors. I also suggest trying to stay in this new room rather than going back into the old room. It may be familiar, but it is not the place you need to go to again. As soon as you walk into the new room, lock the old door.

I suggest talking to people who have taken some of these doors before, and have made it outside. (The reason I use this analogy is because a room represents limitation, and outdoors has no limitations, the sky isn't even something that is a limitation). I am sure there are plenty here who have struggled with the same exact things you have, and would be more than happy to help you out. I wish I could do more than offer advice in philosophical ramblings, but I'm not bent in the same way (Another analogy I use).

I might not be the best help ever, but if you need some random person to talk one on one to, I'm here. I probably shouldn't be your plan a, but if you want to, I will.

I know sometimes it is easier to talk to a completely random stranger than someone close, but I do say, in addition to a stranger or two, talk to a good friend, who has their act together. I really hope you make it through, and if you need to, you can always PM me saying you decided to make it through another day. It has helped some of my friends, because they don't want to lie to someone.

Best of luck, and I will be keeping you in mind.

[Clara22]

I am sending you a hug, hang on in there

[Hobbit House]

I have been addicted. It's a downward spiral into insanity. Recovery is very important, but recognizing your addiction is the first step. I urge you to go to a NA meeting or some other group that deals with addiction. It's imperative you get the support and help you need at this stage of your recovery. I Hope this helps.