[GenCat]

Do those with depression grieve differently? I suffer from manic depression, and bpd. I tragically had to put my horse down and I am experiencing strong denial that she's not really gone or that I never had her. She was my first horse and my first to see go. The love of my life that kept me strong and going. Ultimately when I think about it, I want to die but I don't feel like killing myself right now due to that numb, distant feeling.

[atomicc]

I think it's quite possible that we have a stronger sense of grief than others. I have BPD traits and when my best friend died and still now, I felt similar things. That she wasn't really gone. I also felt abandoned by her, even though I knew it was ridiculous. She didn't ask to be murdered.

I am so sorry about your horse I hope you can find something to help you with your loss.

[ThisWayOut]

sorry for your loss
I have no basis of comparison for my greif, but I know I always feel it incredubly deeply. I think there's some normal stuff going on there: the denial, the bargaining (if you never really had her, she can't ever really be gone)...
((hugs))

[Altered Moment]

Denial is the first stage of grief. It is normal. Depression is also a normal part of grieving but not in the same way we have it. I would really watch if you get stuck in the depression phase. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, bouncing around between the stages.

I am very sorry for the loss of your horse.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by GenCat

Do those with depression grieve differently? I suffer from manic depression, and bpd. I tragically had to put my horse down and I am experiencing strong denial that she's not really gone or that I never had her. She was my first horse and my first to see go. The love of my life that kept me strong and going. Ultimately when I think about it, I want to die but I don't feel like killing myself right now due to that numb, distant feeling.

By-&-large I don't grieve. I may be very sad for a short time over something like this. But then it's over-&-done-with. Sometimes I think I'm a bit odd in that way. I don't know to what extent it has to do with my mental health problems.

[TheOriginalMe]

You had to make a rational decision to have your horse put down, you did what was best for her and put your own needs and feelings aside. You had to put your defences really high to make a strong decision and it will take a little time for them to come back down again and for the reality to hit. So far, the way you've dealt with it sounds normal. In time, the memories of the happy times you had together will be comforting, but to reach that stage you have to go through the other stages that Zinco described in his post.

[waterknob1234]

I am so sorry for the loss of your horse. The stages you are going thru sound normal. I went thru these same things when I lost pets and family members. There are certain stages of grief that are normal and our animals are really just as dear to our hearts as human family members.