[ladybug]

Hello I'm new I really feel kind of stupid doing this I don't even know if I belong here. I'm looking for people totalk to who understands and isn't going to tell me im over reacting or looking for attention. I've never belonged to anything like this. I think I have depression but mostly a feeling of low self worth and not being abble to do anything right, even if I try to do something good like today I did the laundry for my b/fs mom and accidently put a costume she made that was dry clean only she got upset and yelled at me only adding to knowing I can't do anything right. I hope this isn't to depressing and I apoligize if it is. Please tell me if im in the wrong place if I am.

[Lexicon78]

Welcome ladybug! You're in the right place. I often think I can't do anything right and people sometimes make me feel that way, too. Your bf's mom sounds like she's the one that's overreacting. People make mistakes. Like you knew that the costume was in there. I doubt you did.

[ladybug]

Thanks I'm glad to see I'm not alone. It's so hard esspically lately seeing I can't do anything right and being reminded daily by the people around me. I know she over reacted but even if she didn't I feel soo guilty and I feel guilty about most things that I know are just silly cause I had nothing to do with it. Have you figured out how to deal with feeling like you can do anything right?

[collegefriend]

welcome. everyone is right this is a good place and the right place at that. i as well often feel as im doing nothing right because no one appreciates whats i am doing. i hope you post and get to know everyone. it is a helpful place and a place where you can talk and everyone at one point has gone through what you are going through right now. hope to see you around
andrea

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Welcome ladybug

I also have low self esteem, alot of us here has.. You will find alot of support here... post when you need to someone will always respond



<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[LadyDragus]

<font color=purple> ((((((((((((((( <font color=red> ladybug <font color=purple> ))))))))))))))))))))))
Welcome to the fourms..
You have came to the right place and I also have low self esttem at times I think I can do nothing right and never can.. In my eyes, I feel worthless no mattter how many tiems others tell me you did it corretly,
My grades in colleg right now are my worst product of sleft esteem, and so is my family life. i am misbearly, so i can fully understand what you are going thourgh..

you are in the right place and look around many others here will help as muich as the can..

Welcome ..
Feel at home feel safe..


<font color=blue>
Darkness all around
Darkness is my freind
I will let it overtake me this time
Cause I no longer belong....

[heatherm]

Hi Ladybug and welcome!

I love your name .

Please don't feel stupid....you found a wonderful group of people here. You are not alone and have taken a huge step reaching out.

Take care


Heather

[hifrumjohn7]

Welcome...you are amg friends.
John

[Lexicon78]

ladybug, the only thing that I can do is try to think of the things I do do right. I just challenge my thinking with more positive thoughts. Some days it feels like I'm lying to myself, but other days I'm ok with it.

[(JD)]

Hello. Sounds like you fit right in with us. (Though through therapy I have come to realize I do a lot of things right! It's the other's ppls problem...)

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Ladybug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} We all have those feelings at one time or another. Some of us have them all the time. What I do when I feel stupid for doing something, I try to think of a time I did it right... or I go back and do it again but more carefully the next time, then I tell myself how smart I am and how good I am. Sometimes it sounds dumb to me, but if no one is going to tell me those things, then I have to do it for myself.

Didn't I read a post where someone suggested you read some self-help books on Cognitive Behavior Modification? Do it! You'll be surprised at how your outlook changes.

I know there's some great posts here in that subject. Let me do a search and then I'll post the links to them.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

I found it! I found it! I'm just going to copy it here instead of putting in the link for it.

<font color=green>NINE TYPES OF THINKING MISTAKES

1. All or Nothing - or black or white: Seeing things as though there were only two possible choices.

2. Over generalizing: A negative event is seen as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

3. Mental Filter: Seeing only the negative aspects of a situation while screening out the positive aspects.

4. Jumping to Conclusions: Predicting things will go a certain way before you have the facts.

*A. Mind Reading: Assuming that you know exactly what someone is thinking about you.

*B. Fortune-telling: Predicting that things will turn out badly and that you won't be able to cope.

5. Magnifying or Minimizing: Overvaluing or minimizing the importance of a situation or certain information.

6. Emotional Reasoning: Assuming that how you feel is an accurate reflection of how things really are.

7. Shoulds: You tell yourself that things "should" or "shouldn't" be a certain way. (Even how we feel physically.) We do this with ourselves, other people and situations. Variations of this can include "musts," "have to's" and other imperatives which sound like they come from some external authority figure. (Critical parent)

8. Labeling: This is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking which can be damaging to our self-esteem and our relationships. Instead of simply acknowledging a mistake, we say "I'm such a screw-up, loser, jerk, idiot, etc." Applying labels to others will tend to blind us to other qualities which could benefit us in the relationship.

9. Personalizing: (Blaming) This thinking creates enormous preventable suffering. This occurs when we hold ourselves responsible for something which isn't or wasn't entirely under our control. As children, we take much of what happens around us personally, including how we are treated. When a child is mistreated by a parent, she/he will tend to assume that she/he is somehow to blame and may see her/himself as defective. We can reverse this process and blame someone else for a situation we have a part in creating. We do this as adults often without realizing it. We have a choice about becoming aware of this destructive thinking mistake and WE CAN CHANGE IT!

Thanks to "Ellie" for the following instructions:

What we need to do after the negative thoughts are all written down is to decide which one is most upsetting. The idea of whether it's a core belief or self-esteem issue is actually not important. Just the most upsetting negative thought about a specific negative situation. Identify the most upsetting thought, gather evidence for and against it. Next, write a balanced thought that considers evidence for and against and either illuminates why we think that way in connection with the situation and how rational or irrational the thought is. Also, before the whole process is begun, the emotions associated with the specific situation are listed and rated on a scale between 0 and 100. After the balanced thought has been written, we would look back at the emotions and ask if they are less intense and more bearable. This is the method in the book Mind Over Mood.

Dr. Burns’ method in Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy and The Feeling Good handbook just has you answer every negative thought with a rational response after you've figured out the cognitive distortions. In the Mind Over Mood method the cognitive distortions may be identified. They seem to be helpful in creating balanced thoughts and gathering evidence and writing rational responses.

Anyway, the Mind Over Mood Method is more difficult to do, but more efficient. The Dr. Burns’ method is much easier and I find it does provide a mood lift and is good if I want to take the time to counter every negative thought and just get it all out of my system.

Example: find time to write down all the negative thoughts you had in a given situation.. Write yourself a more rational thought. When you first start, find a neutral thought to replace the negative thought.

Negative thought: I can't speak. I'm going to say something stupid.

Errors you are making in the thought: You are trying to tell the future and predicting it negatively. You are telling yourself it is impossible for you to say anything acceptable.

Rational Response: How do I know I'm going to say something stupid? What will happen if I do say something stupid? Do I really have so little self-control I'm going to intentionally say dumb things? I don't have to say anything if I don't want to. If I decide to face my fear of saying something stupid, if I do say something I think is stupid, I'll forgive myself. I'm human. I can make mistakes. I know plenty of people who say stupid things.

Make two columns on your paper. Entitle one column: These are the times I've said smart things..... Entitle the second column: These are the low number of times I've really said stupid things......

Give yourself evidence for and against the truthfulness of the thought and ask yourself what you would like to believe.

Positive affirmations are great. They set you up for good behavior. I also think that if you are having lots of negative thoughts, you need to neutralize them first. Use the positive thoughts to build self-esteem. Use neutralizing your thoughts to keep from thinking and believing the negative ones so that the positive ones get in easier.

Recommended books are: The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns, Mind Over Mood, and The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook. Recording all your thoughts is the first step. Review the cognitive distortions above.</font color=green>

I'd highly recommend getting the books... or at least the one with the handbook. Enjoy!

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

Tomi, thanks for finding that and posting it where we can see it again. I read through the list each time it comes up - I always need to be reminded again. I used to have one of Dave Burns's books (Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy). Not sure what happened to it - maybe I gave it to someone else since I had been through it a few times.

Ladybug, Welcome! You have found a good thing here and I hope that being here helps you as much as it has helped me.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[PlanningtoLive]

Ladybug, welcome to our family. As you can tell, we are a warm, welcoming group here.

I am bi-polar and borderline personality so I understand all about depression and low self esteem as well. We don't yell at each other - we respect each other's rights to feel as we do and don't make judgements, only offer support.

Hope to hear from you more.

Mary Alice