[Altered Moment]

I have been doing very well since April overall when I started taking Fetzima. It has worked better than any other med I have tried and I have tried just about all of them.

The thing is I have had a series of these mini pretty severe depressions that last about three or four days then I snap out of it. They are getting worse though. I am in one now and it has lasted a week and a half so far. It is not totally debilitating as I can function and go through the motions. That is all I am doing though when I am in it is go through the motions. I just want things to be over with so I can go to sleep. My biggest symptoms are always no energy and no motivation and not really caring about things. Typical symptoms. When I have been doing good I look forward to things and actually enjoy them and don't want them to end. There is a huge noticeable difference. I am very worried that the med is going to stop working. Sometimes going through the motions seems to help snap me out of it but it is getting harder and harder.

The last time I did an intake/ evaluation at my mental health clinic the therapist strongly recommended I get a case manager, so I did. After meeting with the case manager a couple of times we decided she would not be of much help to me as it is her job to help people get to appointments, manage meds, do paper work, apply for medicaid and things like that. I do not need any of that. I wanted therapy. So she agreed and referred me to therapy.

They were supposed to call and set it up but they have not and it has been like a month. I have been avoiding calling. Well today I bit the bullet and called to push the issue because I am getting scared of slipping. I have not been to therapy in years but I have been to lots of it in the past. I don't have any big trauma issues or past issues to resolve but I do have the issue of how depression has had such a profound effect of every area of my life in the past five years and I thought I could use help with that. A lot of big changes have taken place in the last five years.

There is also some free support groups in my community that I have been telling myself I need to join. I really should also start going back to AA meetings as I can get lots of support there as well. many people in AA also suffer from depression. I am in my home town but I have not lived her for 30 years so it is like being in a brand new town in a way and I am scared to get out there and into these groups. Social anxiety or just the initial fear or whatever. I know I need this type of support because I have decided it is to big a burden on my family to always be talking about these daily issues. I have family and friends who are very supportive but I think my family would rather avoid the issue and just assume I am doing ok. It is very hard on them. I need the type of support we give eachother here on these forums but in real life. It is difficult to take that first step. Therapy is kind of easy because they will give me an appointment and I have to show up. The other stuff I have to motivate myself to do and it is hard.

[Fuzzybear]

[Frankbtl]

Hi zinco, really sorry you're feeling this way but it is really good that you're recognizing you need support, and are wanting to/trying to reach for that
But the groups............"All" it needs to begin with is a phone call, yes? And in that phone call (to the group organizers?) you can explain your anxieties and find a place to start e.g. they could explain the groups setup, you could arrange to see them on their own first, you could just go to the end of a meeting (less pressure), you could let them know that you might not want to talk on the first meeting so to avoid coming to you, if there are different groups then maybe they could arrange for you to go to a smaller one...........I'd think they'd want to help you in attending in a way that feels comfortable/OKish to you.
And the motivation to go.............**** of a lot of self talk maybe?? Don't let up on yourself, whatever?? It is clear you want this, just that first/those first step/s...........And maybe there's someone you can ask to try to help you give yourself that push?? As well as us!!
But feeling like a burden to your family/friends..........remember that depression can all too often make you feel that regardless of how they may actually be feeling about supporting/being there for you. Please try not to cut them out too much, it might just be that they really want to be there for you.

Alison

[Idiot17]

((((Zinco))))