[lostintheworld123]

Hi everyone. So right now I am in a six month relationship and my boyfriend lately has been showing very depressive symptoms. He had a serious injury in the winter, and that is when the depression started. He told me he was depressed. It is adding on, and last night he talked about wanting to die sometimes and how he doesn't trust me to speak his mind. He gets really short with me, yells at me to shut up, or else he just doesn't talk to me. He hasn't told anybody but me anything at all. It really scares me because I care about him beyond words, but I don't know what I can do. I myself suffered from depression and got help and I'm managing it, so in a way I know my own form of depression. I just want to encourage my boyfriend that he doesn't deserve this feeling and that he should go get help, but I don't know how to say it without pushing boundaries or sounding like I know how he feels. Does anybody have advice on what I should say? I'm really stuck and I don't want him to hurt himself, he does not deserve that, nor does anybody.

By the way we go to the same university but for the summer we are two hours apart, so everything is through the phone. I wish more than anything I could talk to him in person. Soon enough we'll be moving back to the same town though. I will see him this weekend also, but it is his 21 birthday weekend so I don't want to ruin that by being all sad on him.

[Altered Moment]

If you share your own experience with depression you are not assuming how he feels you are just sharing your direct experience. He may be able to relate to it. Then you tell him that this is what you did to get help and manage. He might assume you are telling him to do the same which you kind of are but it is coming from someone who understands and is compassionate. He may get a little pissed but it will plant the seed and he will think about it. It can be a long process of realizing we need help but you are probably in the best position to encourage him. Of course don't nag him and constantly talk about it but be a safe and non judgemental person he can open up to. Having that person makes a big difference.

[lostintheworld123]

Well the thing about him is that I have told him some of my experiences and he always tells me that his are not the same and I need to shut up because I don't know how he is feeling. That my feelings are different. I'm also scared that he will think my depression was worse than his ever will be, because that is not the case. Any time I bring up wanting to help he tells me that he does not want help. It's extremely frustrating because I know he needs it but I want him to realize it himself, it's not my job yet all I want to do is be that person that gets him what he needs. You know? Just is a mess but I love him and I'm not planning on going anywhere, it's just beginning to hurt the relationship and more importantly he is hurting himself with the depression and holding in his thoughts. I'm really lost.
Thank you so much for that advice. I will try encouraging him to think about both sides of it... holding in your feelings and hurting, or finding a trustworthy person and getting yourself help. That is a very good idea, I agree that I could be that safe and non judgmental person. I just don't want to lose him over this, it could be very bad for both him and myself.

[Altered Moment]

Well it can be a long process of realizing something is wrong and help is needed. It has to be accepted at a pretty deep level and takes some getting your butt kicked to be willing to get help. There is only so much you can do. It is very similar to dealing with an addict who needs to get help. No one wants to admit there is something wrong and then if they do admit it they feel they should be able to handle it on their own.

[lostintheworld123]

Valid point. I appreciate the responses very much! I just over think and get scared he is going to go to the extreme with it. I have not heard a word from him today and yesterday he hardly said anything, I am just waiting to hear from him but it's causing a lot of anxiety but I don't want to push him to talk to me either.

[Altered Moment]

Yeah we all have our own journey and it can be very difficult to give people the space to take their journey. I have a very difficult time doing it with my daughter who is 21 and has potential addiction/ depression/ anxiety issues. As a teen she had problems but is doing very well now but I worry a lot and want to put my two cents in all the time when I need to give her the space to live her own journey just like I did.

[lostintheworld123]

Yes. I am okay with the giving space, I've had my depression and I get the whole needing space stuff. It just freaks me out when it gets to talking about self harm and that stuff. Sorry if that is extreme to be posting on here but it's just if something happened to him when I was just giving him his space I would regret not doing more and it's just tough. I don't think he would go that far but having no reassurance can be challenging. Thank you for the support.