I finally told someone about my depression

creative - i didn't have a good experience with my parents. they ignored me. my mother yelled at me.

i just... i guess because i feel so strongly for my own kids, i say it's worth the risk. yes, it sucked a$s for me. i am still reeling 15 years later from the poor response i got... but i guess there's some satisfaction in knowing that i tried. i never have to wonder if i didn't.

my advice would be to talk to the parents. if they aren't receptive, please, for all that is good and decent in this world, please, get help as soon as you can get away from them. i wish, i wish so badly, i'd known to ask for help. but i thought my parents' response was the norm so i didn't get help.

that's why i'm so passionate about my children. i will be safe. i will understand the best i can. i will love them so much.

i like to think maybe there are better odds for OP because there's more awareness now than when i was a teen. i didn't have the internet like this (AOL on dial-up... anyone? anyone? lol).

it's worth at least a shot i think.

i'm sorry :: hugs :: i wish i was my parent too as strange as that sounds.

Fox you are already seeing a therapist. You have not told us why and that is ok. I have to assume your parents know about this.

The best place to start is to tell your therapist. You don't have to tell of suicidal plans but you have to start somewhere. I am glad you told your friend. If you think your parents are loving and caring than it is worth the risk. We have probably all had negative experiences telling others. that does not mean there are not lots of caring people out there who want to help and understand. i have found many in my life.

I said before that just cos people don't listen, believe, understand if tell them about depressive illness that doesn't mean they don't care and want to help. My parents don't understand well but I had courage to talk about it with them eventually, as well as others, even if dismissive, in denial, but they do love and care about me and have tried to help when I was seeking professional help and support. Parents normally want the best for their children, but they don't always know how best to help. They may not be aware realise when they are in wrong, when they say things that aren't helpful. They can make critical remarks, be hard or give advice that isn't helpful. It can be most difficult to talk to those closest to us about personal issues esp mental health. But parents aren't the only ones who should know. More is expected of professionals to be understanding, caring, take seriously, help but that doesn't always happen. Depression is not considered an illness by a lot of people still incl therapists/counsellors who put responsibility solely on you, and think how you feel is not to do with circumstances but way you think, see things and react to situations. Its important to find therapist who you can talk to openly trust who won't criticise or degrade you add more distress to how you feel and not ingorant dismissive of illness either. They have different approaches and backgrounds. I have seen numerous therapists/counsellors though and have been mainly disappointed, distressed even by their approaches, not benefited. I think they all follow the positive psychology field which doesn't understand mental illnesses or see how stressful traumatic experiences like bullying can affect someone so much.. I happen to have had mainly negative experiences of talking to others about my illness which has been difficult for me. But I haven't given up altogether though cos I'm courageous,intelligent and have inner strength and good awareness of things.

Yeah, they know why I'm seeing therapist. I don't really know why. It might be because of school.

I know she doesn't need to tell anyone about it. But what if she wants me to get diagnose, or more help? Does that happen?

I know I should get help. But it's so hard. I don't want to be judged, made fun of, or put weight on people. I'd much rather be dead, but I don't have the items to go through with my plan.

I know I should care about my self first, but, I just don't want to. I want others to be happy,& I want to try to make them happy first, then I'll care about myself. I really don't know why I should care about myself. I'd rather have other be happy,& me not happy, then other way around.!

I'm so happy that you told someone. Although it doesn't seem like much it really helps me when I talk to a friend about my feelings. It gets so tiring to be holding all the weight and pressure by yourself. I do suggest that you tell her that you are having thoughts of suicidal but don't go into too much depths. Maybe ask her for help. If your parents are like mine, I don't think it's always the best cast for you to tell them. If your parents are understanding and are willing to get you help then you should totally tell them.

No advice just letting you know I can relate to what you've said.
((((((Fox)))))

But if you are not happy it is impossible to make others happy. Same as if you don't love yourself how can you love others???

Edit - I don't know how true that is but I have been told that a lot and it makes sense to me to some degree. We have to take care of ourselves first in healthy ways in order to be there for others.

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I try to, at least. I assumed I made them happy. Not all everyone, but some.

I edited my statement because I don't think it is that black and white.....see above.

You have to find healthy balance btw valuing and caring for yourself and helping others. You don't want to be too selfless or too selfish. Wanting to be happy is what a lot of people strive for but they look for wrong things. I'm not looking just to be happy. I want to be well, to feel freer and more in control of things and improve way my life is.

I just... Don't care about myself at all. I hate myself,& see no reason why I should love myself. I can't find anything good about myself.

What has led you to feel so badly about yourself like unworthy compared to others? Is it past difficult experiences that have made u have low self esteem and depression and adopt self limiting destructive beliefs? U need to try to challenge yourself and to find what qualities and strengths u have.

Ive been very lucky as I have two very good friends who have stuck by me through everything and I can say if I didnt have them I wouldnt be here today so I would talk to your friend but take your time so they can process everything

For one I'm ugly. My friend even thought I was, but didn't say it directly. I can't do things others can. I'm weak, I try my best,& try to be stronger, but I can't.I can not do much in gym, because I have muscle issues. I have no motivation to exercise, none. I always need extra help in school, or I'll fail. I hate it. I need all these things. I am so irritable

People always think I'm younger, because I look like it. I'm so shy, I can't do many things by myself. I have issues acting interacting with others,& come of as weird. I have three friends three. My family gets annoyed with me, they seem to prefer others to me. My sister is never by me, ever.

To be truthful I want to give up,& end myife.

No I'm sure you don't want to die. Would you want your family and people who know you like you there must be people who like and love and care about you to not have you around anymore?do you think they would be better off without you? You do have value and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. No one wants to suffer. You must be in quite severe depressive state seeing dark negativity everywhere. Life has ups and downs for everyone some people are worse off remember. But depression can be really challenging to live with. It can feel like your battling with a strong controlling demonic force. But inside depression lies unresolved issues, bottled up feelings and the key to getting better is change/transformation. I'm quite sensitive and shy/passive too and have both anxiety and depression. Interaction is important though. Trying to take up interests and meet like minded people.

I have to weigh in here and concur with Creative1onder...it's true, nobody wants to suffer. From what I'm reading, it sounds as if you are still somewhat in your youth...there is time for things to improve. I'm nearly 50 and for me, deep depression did not manifest until I was in my 40's...I'm still not giving up. I have self-esteem issues, I feel like a bit of a failure, I feel unworthy, but I'm not giving up...So, do what you can, reach out, hold on...tell your family...tell those close to you...get support, but don't give up.

No don't give up cos you are worthy and people love and care about you.

I agree you are worthy and have value. You can find your place in this world. It doesn't have to look like it looks for others but you have a place.

Ending it would go against your people pleasing nature and desire to make others happy. They would not be happy if that occurred.