[MjsMustang21]

This past year I have been struggling on and off with what I have self-diagnosed as a mild form of depression. Now I don't think I'm entirely crazy for doing this because when I was younger I saw multiple therapist after being diagnosed with ADD and even admitting to one therapist I had thought about suicide. Although I was very young I should've known better not to say something like that but I don't know what came over me...maybe in part I was telling the truth.

Let me tell you all a little more about this past year for me. Well, I am in a relationship of almost 2 years with a wonderful girl who I am lucky enough to be able to go with for most of my problems, however, I've made an extra effort not to let on how badly this depression effects my every day life (sometimes I say I'm tired and go to sleep or other times I just I'm not feeling well) just because I don't want to burden her with this problem that I feel is my own and her mother suffers from alcoholism as well so I don't think it's fair to her either.

Last July my brother enlisted in the US Army and while he went from state to state for training my girlfriend and I got our own apartment. Now although I'm in my mid 20s my mother couldn't help but lay the guilt trip on me and I couldn't stand to hear it, although that is not to say her words didn't get to me because believe me they did they ate me up alive. While it took a few months but she finally got over the fact that I had moved out and began starting my own life. Then, in October 4 days before my birthday my very sick grandmother who is in hospice passed away. Watching her die in the hospital bed was probably one of the hardest things I had to do.

This brings me to where my depression really started when my brother returned the focus was only on him. This has been the trend for the past year of my life. In my intro thread I had mentioned I'm a college graduate as well. Well apparently that's not as impressive as my brother's lifestyle and I'm not trying to undermine what my brother does or his immense sacrifice but my family has become so consumed with it whenever I see them at family functions that's all they can ask me about. I've become so sick of it I've stopped going to most of them. Not one family member has really came up to me and express pride in what I'm doing. No one has said "Hey, you're young and you live on our own and finished college while working and paying for it. Good job." No, all they can muster when I see them is "Hey, hows your brother doing?" Uh I don't know maybe ask him...I just feel like no matter what I do it won't be nearly as impressive as what he's doing. I should also mention that I am the older brother. I just feel so insignificant and under-appreciated and not to mention I have low self confidence to begin with. I just really want help or someone to even understand where I am coming from without saying "Oh you're just being a baby" because I don't think I am it becomes more and more clear to me every time I'm at a family function I'm just a fixture they have 0 interest in anything in my life.

Any thoughts or advice or ways of dealing with how I'm feeling?

[Altered Moment]

Hmmmm tough one. Of course we all want validation, praise, affirmation, and all that from our families. It seems you are not getting it. I am very sorry for you for that.

I would suggest getting those needs met in other places. Seek out healthy people who will validate you and respect you for you. I moved 1500 miles away from home when I was 19. I just had to get away for a lot of reasons I won't go into now. Depression was a part of it. All my self worth and self esteem became wrapped up in my work and my friends. This was both healthy and unhealthy for a lot of reasons. When I was 32 I got clean and sober and started getting help for my depression. This is when I really started finding people other than my family (I was 2500 miles away at this point) to validate, honor, praise, and respect me. You are out on your own now so maybe it is time to look outside of your family. It takes time but the right people are out there.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, MjsMustang21.

Depending on its severity, I suspect you will not be able to keep your depression from your partner for too long. You may succeed in managing it without formal therapy and/or meds. Check out self-help methods.

The family friction isn't helping. (Understatement, I know.) Some therapists would talk about "building emotional boundary strength" in connection with family. That might be something to investigate.

This caught my attention:

Originally Posted by MjsMustang21

...it took a few months but she [Mother] finally got over the fact that I had moved out and began starting my own life.

Interesting. You moved out after your brother left for the Army, yes? Did she try to prevent him from leaving? Is what you are getting from your mother new or consistent with life-long patterns?

No need to answer these questions. Lots potentially to consider here.

Please make yourself at home.

[MjsMustang21]

Well initially yes she did as I would think any mother would but my brothers a bit more headstrong and tenacious than I am. I should note I contemplated the military after high school but was ultimately talked out of it. So I guess that and the fact that she's always been the over protective type definitely something thats been a consistent life long pattern.

Sometimes I feel as though she lacks the confidence in me to succeed, whether it be in school or looking for a job