[MyLifeInColor]

Quiet.

The quiet surrounds me, because yet again you have left without a word. I'm left alone with my thoughts and my fears. Tears fill my eyes as my mind is crowded with negative words.
Why am I not good enough?
Will I ever be enough?
And yet I'm too scared to talk to you. Why? Because I'm too afraid to lose you. I'm too afraid of being on my own. I know if you leave me that is where I will be, alone. I've lost all of my friends. Any friends I have now are your friends. I lack the happiness that I was once so full of.
I'm scared.
I'm sinking further and further into this all to familiar world of depression. But you don't care, no, you don't even notice. I would say that's it's okay, but it's not. I fear the worst outcome all too often. One word haunts the back of my mind consistently, alone.
I laugh, because I think of a song lyric I can relate a little to well to. "I'm so lonely, I have nobody to call my own." Ironically, I do have someone to call my own. Only, sometimes he's the one who causes my pain. How can someone lift you so high, but push you so low?
I guess it is human nature to fear the uncertain. Life and death. Love and hate. I walk such a fine line of trying to be myself but wondering who myself truly is.
Help.
I feel like I'm falling, and I'm surrounded by those who just watch. No one says anything, and now I can see why people do what they do. I understand why people with depression and anxiety get so angry. Everyone knows, yet nobody sticks a hand out to pull me from the darkness.
I pray, asking The Lord why I'm here. What purpose do I serve to this world and those around me? I feel of lesser value than my brother or sister standing next to me. Life is about making a positive impact on others lives, but what impact have I left? I honestly do not know the answer.
I have a good life, one that if I tried a bit harder, I could enjoy. I've lost the ability to try, to care. Those who I've invested so much into have left. I fear he'll leave too. When or if he does, I'll be left alone with my thoughts permanently.
No, I don't plan on suicide. Although it would be nice to not worry anymore. I know thou shalt not kill, yourself included.
What is the whole point of this paragraph, you may ask. I just needed someone to talk to and right now, my keyboard is the only person available.
Thank you for listening, at least someone does.

[glok]

One who shows signs of mental aberration is, inevitably, perhaps, but cruelly, shut off from familiar, thoughtless intercourse, partly excommunicated; his isolation is unwittingly proclaimed to him on every countenance by curiosity, indifference, aversion, or pity, and in so far as he is human enough to need free and equal communication and feel the lack of it, he suffers pain and loss of a kind and degree which others can only faintly imagine, and for the most part ignore. ~Charles Horton Cooley

Welcome to the Community, MyLifeInColor. Your torment jumps off the page. I am so sorry.

I care. I hope you are or soon will be getting the help you need.

Please continue to post. I wish you well.

[Fuzzybear]

[waterknob1234]

To MyLifeInColor: Welcome to the Community. I feel your pain and it tugs at my heart. I send your my care and lots of big hugs. I hope you find the help you need soon. Depression hurts bad.