[rgr1998]

I'm a 16 year old boy and ever since I was a kid, everytime people asked me how I felt about things, for example "what do you think about that picture?" or "what do you think of that party yesterday?" I never really knew what to answer, I didnt have an opinion, a feeling about that. I can't remember the last time I yelled or cried of raw happiness.

A few months aggo I did something that was new to me, I hiked, along side with some friends and teachers, the highest mountain of my country. At the top there was a part that we had to climb up about 10 meters, with no protection, only our hands and feet, and only me and other 4 people (in a group of 40+) climbed that part...I felt happy, joyful, something like the feeling of accomplishment, right? No. I didnt know what I felt. The same thing happened a few weeks aggo when I did paintball with some friends and the day after we went riding karts, but this time I felt something like an emotion of happiness and adrenaline that wanted to come out and possess my body, but for some reason I couldn't get that emotion out, and when someone asked me "did you like it?" I simply answered "yes" instead of giving them an answer full of joy and excitment, like it should've been since those were both things I had never done before.

I was never diagnose of depression, but there was a time that my mom got depressed and I saw how she was doing, always tired, no mood for anything, etc, and a few months later, maybe for a reason I will not state here, I felt the same as my mother did when she was "sick". Also, I've taken some online depression tests and quizzes and most of them score "mild/moderate depression".

Nowadays, I think I'm doing better, but I still don't know how I feel about anything, I think I lost connection with my emotions and spiritual side.

What should I do? Do I have some kind of depression? I don't feel either happy or sad, some days I feel a little bit more down than other, but then I try meditation and it helps a little. I don't have at all suicidal thoughts, mainly because I WANT to life, I want to experience things and FEEL! I just can't...
As I've said, I've been trying meditation but not on a regular basis. Also, been exercising at home. Since I began exercising I stopped feeling somewhat tired and sluggish. I don't have a low self-esteem and I think I feel good about myself overall. I have a problem to socialize. It's not that I dont have friends, I do, but unless I have friends in common with someone else, I can't make small talk with that someone else, or everyone really. Also, I don't dream big, I lack motivation and I procrastinate. To finish, I believe that meditation and exercise are helping but not much.

[Agentfyre]

To me, based on what you've said, it sounds like you just have lower emotional awareness that you would like to have. That's ok. It doesn't necessarily mean you have dysthymia, although that is also possible. It doesn't sound like it greatly affects your daily life, so I wouldn't necessarily recommend seeing a therapist right away. But I would recommend looking up whatever you can about creating emotional awareness and empathy and things like that.

If you find things that help you understand and recognize your emotions more, great! That sounds like all you'd need. But if you find it too difficult, or find something's blocking you from going any deeper, THEN I would easily recommend a therapist. A therapist could help you explore your emotions, and any possibilities of anything in your past that may have blocked them off.

However, I would also suggest that there's no need to be alarmed by any of this. It's ok to not be happy, or to not know when you really are happy. Emotions are tricky things. There's nothing wrong with you. I hope that helps somehow.

[rgr1998]

Originally Posted by Agentfyre

To me, based on what you've said, it sounds like you just have lower emotional awareness that you would like to have. That's ok. It doesn't necessarily mean you have dysthymia, although that is also possible. It doesn't sound like it greatly affects your daily life, so I wouldn't necessarily recommend seeing a therapist right away. But I would recommend looking up whatever you can about creating emotional awareness and empathy and things like that.

If you find things that help you understand and recognize your emotions more, great! That sounds like all you'd need. But if you find it too difficult, or find something's blocking you from going any deeper, THEN I would easily recommend a therapist. A therapist could help you explore your emotions, and any possibilities of anything in your past that may have blocked them off.

However, I would also suggest that there's no need to be alarmed by any of this. It's ok to not be happy, or to not know when you really are happy. Emotions are tricky things. There's nothing wrong with you. I hope that helps somehow.

thank you so much Agentfyre, this was really helpful. I was a little suspicious that I was making this worse than it really is and your answer cleared my doubts .. As I've told a dear friend before, I will keep doing my exercises and meditation untill I am older and have some money of my own to visit a psychiatrist and that because I don't want to tell my parents about this, at least for now, although I know it would be better if I did. thank you again, have a nice day

[Agentfyre]

No problem, I'm glad you found it helpful! Don't forget that you can continue to share what you're experiencing here and get help and/or suggestions. I just want to hammer in the idea that you're not alone.