[erin257]

Hello

My life is miserably out of control. I don't know even where to start explaining. I graduated from high school last year. My year was awful, but I was still able to function and do my homework. I hated the three sports I played, but had committed to play for a college, so had to stick with them. Summer was spent working and working out. I began college and stayed for around two weeks. During these two weeks, i felt as I was going insane. I decided to leave - went half way across the country - and find a job. Was later convinced to return home. Family brought me to the doctor and was diagnosed with severe depression. Only reason they took me to the doctor was to be able to get their money back from my college. the doctor told me that because I was such an independent person, she wanted me to solve the issues myself.
I spent the rest of the semester traveling abroad - something I had always wanted to do - and did have a great time.
Now I am back in school this winter semester. I have been in school four weeks and they have been the worst weeks of my life. I can't concentrate on anything, I haven't slept more than three hours a night, I don't care about making friends, I eat until I feel extremely sick, I try to do and keep up with my homework, but it takes me so long to do, my mind is racing.
My life seems to be in an endless cycle of misery that I cannot escape. I don't know what to do. Life has no joy.
Please understand that when you say go to a doctor, talk to someone, etc., I won't do that. I am shy, don't like talking about myself or my problems. I used to be a perfectionist, and i feel that is why all this is driving me crazy.
to post on this site is a big step for me. I want to feel better - i want there to be joy in life, yet i just don't know what to do.
any advice, comments, etc, would be very helpful.
your experiences and success may help me in my misery.
thanks much.

hi, erin.......wow, you've been through a lot in a short time.

i realize it's going to be hard for you to talk to someone and tell them exactly how you feel......how about printing this post out and giving it to a therapist to read? a lot of us here have done that at different times. and a therapist to trained to ask the right questions, so that would be a good starting point for you to get some help.

i'm sorry that you suffer from major depression. i know exactly where you're coming from. i also have major depression and i take an anti-depressant that helps me feel better than i was feeling a year ago. there are a variety of different ADs that a doctor can choose from to prescribe for you.

let me assure you that you can get better. you can go to a therapist and talk and see a psychiatrist and get anti-depressant meds. and the sooner, the better.

please don't put it off. and keep me posted. pat

Hi erin,
It sounds like you really don't like school. Or maybe I just didn't read your post right. But it seems to me School=misery. Maybe you're better off traveling-if that makes you happy. Follow your heart.
((((erin)))))