[ak482]

(Sorry if this is the wrong thread, but I'll post to start).

I can't make one little mistake. Not a single one. I don't go out to clubs or gatherings because everyone has a camera phone and will catch me being awkward. Then it will get posted online and it's a LIFE sentence "look at this f-- trying to meet women, haha

At work, I MUST be perfect. That's the minimum requirement, everything on time, everything accurate. EVERYTHING that goes wrong in the entire prison, even bad food, is my fault since I'm the pharmacy dumba--. It doesn't matter what I think of myself, if the perception of others is that I'm the dumbest piece of s-- to ever soil the face of this planet, then it's reality and no one wants to hear or believe otherwise

Does anyone else have feelings similar to this?

[waterknob1234]

I have felt this way. I punish myself to death for the tiniest mistake. So if someone else harps on me for something I screw up it makes me feel that much worse magnified times ten. Somewhere on this forum one of our bretheren, skeezyks posted a link to a youtube presentation on psychalive.org I think it is. It is called "silencing the inner critic." It was a wakeup call for me because I recognized my inner critic. I can be my own worst enemy. We all make mistakes, including the idiots who think they are perfect. I am beginning to think it may be a matter of how do we handle our mistakes. Somewhere underneath all of this I believe ak482 is a wonderful, beautiful, fantastic person, waiting to come out of his shell.

[tigerlily84]

Oh I definitely feel this way about myself.

At work, accuracy is STRESSED above all. If you make two mistakes in a month, you will be called into a meeting with not 1 but 3 supervisors to write you up, and to tell you that you are messing up and you had better fix it. It's the kind of place where if you are late by a minute, you will get reprimanded. I work for a perfectionist. And since I am also a perfectionist, I experience a huge amount of pressure to be well, perfect.

a482, you are not a dumba--. I can tell that it's important to you that you do a good job. Everything that goes wrong at work is not your fault because you are not the only person that works there. Who is saying that everything is your fault? Is that coming from you, or your coworkers/supervisors? Either way, it's not true. Even your quote in your signature, "start perfect, get better every day" is wrong. How can you be better than perfect? You don't need to respond to these questions, but just think about them.

I know I know, these things are easier said than done. (And I am one to talk lol) Are you seeing a therapist? If not I think it would help, at least to just get your feelings out. That's what I'm doing, and that will be my goal. Good luck.

[ak482]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Oh I definitely feel this way about myself.

At work, accuracy is STRESSED above all. If you make two mistakes in a month, you will be called into a meeting with not 1 but 3 supervisors to write you up, and to tell you that you are messing up and you had better fix it. It's the kind of place where if you are late by a minute, you will get reprimanded. I work for a perfectionist. And since I am also a perfectionist, I experience a huge amount of pressure to be well, perfect.

a482, you are not a dumba--. I can tell that it's important to you that you do a good job. Everything that goes wrong at work is not your fault because you are not the only person that works there. Who is saying that everything is your fault? Is that coming from you, or your coworkers/supervisors? Either way, it's not true. Even your quote in your signature, "start perfect, get better every day" is wrong. How can you be better than perfect? You don't need to respond to these questions, but just think about them.

I know I know, these things are easier said than done. (And I am one to talk lol) Are you seeing a therapist? If not I think it would help, at least to just get your feelings out. That's what I'm doing, and that will be my goal. Good luck.

The stress comes not from within the pharmacy (they are extremely supportive), but the nurses who work the floors at our prison. They have complete immunity from any discipline and are willing to write us up because they choose to be lazy f---s and not write proper scripts or b---h because a drug they order is non-formulary. They b---h enough they can get somebody put out of a job. Somebody with that power is bound to not only use it, but abuse it.

I'm seeing a sex therapist for my lack of sex. Every time I screw up, it reflects why no woman will dare want to be in a relationship with an idiot.

[Idiot17]

I could have written this, it describes me so clearly. I would never go out since I would get videoed. At work I triple check my work to ensure their are no mistakes. Difference is it never bothered me till recently.
Good luck.

[waterknob1234]

There is a lot of pressure in the medical field anyway. Everybody understands how dangerous it is for somebody to get the wrong medicine. But I also see how sometimes instead of people trying to work together as a team to make sure things run smoothly and things get done well and correctly, some folks want to play the hang and blame game. They do the backstabbing thing. It's sad. This does not make patient care better. It doesn't make things better for anyone. It just kills office morale. You are a good person ak482. Hang in there.