[PinkPearl]

Hi, I'm struggling. In a nutshell, I had a very traumatic experience back in March, got extremely depressed and anxious, reached out to someone inappropriate for empathy and understanding, and ended up harassing him with emails, forcing him to rightfully demand that I stop (he had good reasons - my problem involved domestic abuse and because he's a family law attorney, there were legal ramifications/conflict of interest). It wasn't a sexual attraction or anything like that, by the way - He was just a kind person who works with abuse victims and I was feeling REALLY needy. Anyway, I feel so ashamed of myself. This whole thing went on for a few months. I have to see this person a lot as well through my son's sports. I'm mortified. But more than anything, I feel ashamed and regretful and I can't stop beating myself up obsessively about it. I know others have seen my earlier posts on various forums about this situation, but I'm so miserable. How do you let go of these things, when you act so out of character? :-(

[ToeJam]

Try to blank sheet it as best you can. Done is done, got to move on and if that means erecting barriers and being civil but cool with him (not avoid) if forced to be near him due to sports events then... with time it will get easier.

I think many of us have had issues where we've become needy to others and they eventually couldn't take it... but rather than let it batter you down, brush yourself off and learn from it.

While at University I became quite reliant on a girl who helped me while I was in crisis... there was room for it leading to a relationship... but due to some horrible things that happened back home she could no longer shoulder the responsibility of being there for me and yeah, I understood, I backed off... but it hurt really badly.

She tried to re-establish friendship a year or so later but I had moved on and though I was very polite, I refused... once bitten, twice shy and I didn't want a repeat of that situation.

Not sure if that helps... but sometimes these experiences can make us stronger or at least prepared for future interactions.

[Clara22]

Hi,
Maybe practicing self-discipline or self-control in relation to these thoughts is possible. It is not like you are in denial, as you acknowledge the existence of these thoughts but once they come to your mind you divert your thinking to something else. You could use a bracelet as a reminder. Sometimes it works for me. Warm regards

[waterknob1234]

I think I am in a similar situation as I have relied on a person too heavily for support in my depression and over burdened that person and now this person has turned on me. To make matters worse I work with this person and she has now been made my supervisor so to speak so I just try to be cool with her and avoid her. It is awkward. I understand the position you are in. There is not much you can do but to stay quiet, be polite and pleasant as possible and hold your head high. Then come on here and talk to us about it. We understand. It is hard and it hurts. Life is tough and we always need someone we can talk to. Unfortunately, we sometimes by mistake reach out to the wrong people. It happens to the best of us. Hang in there.

[Fuzzybear]

[dandylin]

That really is an uncomfortable situation to be in. I know that my solution would be to be super confident and competent in all future dealings with this person. I would try to rebuild the relationship to an even playing field.

I'm not sure if that's useful or not. My stomach did a flip while I read this. So uncomfortable

[PinkPearl]

Originally Posted by dandylin

That really is an uncomfortable situation to be in. I know that my solution would be to be super confident and competent in all future dealings with this person. I would try to rebuild the relationship to an even playing field.

I'm not sure if that's useful or not. My stomach did a flip while I read this. So uncomfortable

Thank you, Dandylin. I apologized to him multiple times and confessed to having bipolar and having been triggered by my husband's actions. I also told him I wasn't using my illness as an excuse, but just trying to explain. He told me I don't have to apologize anymore, that he's "turned the page" on it, and has told absolutely no one about what happened because confidentiality is "sacred" to his practice. I think he was approaching all of this from a legal standpoint whereas I was looking at it as a friendship issue more than anything. He said he'd always be concerned about my safety but needed to stay detached. His emails asking me to stop we're very cold and legalistic, and I felt thoroughly "dressed-down", but maybe he felt he had to do it that way. I think he may have been worried that if I kept on revealing more info to him he might have to report to child services, although my husband has never abused our son. Anyway, it's complicated - even more so than this, but I don't want to write a tome. I feel so f***ing crazy for having done all of this. Thank you so much for your support.