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#1
Sep 05, 2014, 03:05 PM
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If I had somewhere to be or was modern enough to have some place for a status message, this would be it – “pushing my way through the sea(see)-saw of life – a new emotion every second. Topsy-turvy all around!”
I was feeling seriously suicidal (oooh! the s-word!) yesterday. A lot of guilt, regret and I felt worthless what with depression and its pal social anxiety making me home-bound, not even able to get a job, even friends or some semblance of a social life. Even for medical reasons regarding me or my parents who are heading up toward the elderly side of life it takes a lot of push, push, push, cajole and push just a little bit more to get me out the house let alone for frivolous things like errands and groceries. Yesterday that led to well the you-know-what ideation quite strongly at that yet it was so entirely senseless. I worry sometimes that in one of my frequent bouts of stupidity I might head that way again despite my ever present anchors to the here and now or better phrased as my ‘you here – now and always’ team. The you-know-what followed by crying, crying and more crying leading to a state of apathy and here I am today all hopes and smiles, a million and one jokes, all off the top of my head; the longing to connect and to remain that way. Its startling and heart-rending all the same if I can call my own actions heart-rending that is. All this see-sawing, rollercoaster-like emotional ups and downs – sometimes I don’t know how I’ll be feeling from one moment to the next; how I’ll be dealing from one moment to the next. An emotion will be there for a minute – an hour – a day and then it all fades away. It comes in bursts and spurts and sometimes it’s all a very big blank. Sometimes I think I’m going mad, only sometimes I know I’m going mad and that’s far worse.
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When life seems chaotic, you don't need people giving you easy answers or cheap promises. There might not be any answers to your problems. What you need is a safe place where you can bounce with people who have taken some bad hops of their own. |
 regretful, waterknob1234
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#2
Sep 05, 2014, 03:34 PM
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I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. I do hope that this passes for you. Me, I've been in tears most of the day, but for some reason writing a bit on here helps to ease the stress a little bit. You're not alone in this struggle...
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| lostinwilderness, waterknob1234
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 lostinwilderness
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#3
Sep 05, 2014, 05:31 PM
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Hi lostinwilderness, wish I knew something to say or do that would make it better. Sending love and hugs your way.
 
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| lostinwilderness
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| lostinwilderness
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#4
Sep 05, 2014, 11:24 PM
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I am very familiar with the roller coaster. It sucks but you are in the right place.
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| lostinwilderness
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| lostinwilderness
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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