[LearningMe01]

I've never felt this low during a depressive episode. While I've always had issues with depression, they were usually controlled with antidepressants and kept on the milder side. There are a great many contributing factors to this "episode" with the underlying existence of chronic depression being at the base of it all.

*I'm at the VERY end of a divorce.
*My therapist (whom I was extremely close to) terminated with me, left the state, and cut off all contact.
*My Brother, who was my best friend, died suddenly and out of the blue.
*The rest of my immediate family basically fell apart after my Brother died.
*I reconnected with someone from my past, thought I was "in love" and basically acted like this person's fool (sex was also involved) I'm currently trying to completely stop contacting this person and it's SO much harder for me than I think it should be. (they are no longer reaching out to me, either.)
*I'm about to start a new job.
*I'm in dyer needs of finding an apartment and because of credit issues, am having no luck...

And so much more.

I don't know what to do with myself. I've lost interest in anything I ever enjoyed. I don't even KNOW what I like anymore, or what makes me happy. If I was to speak completely honestly, I'd tell you that I've lost all hope for the future. I feel useless, lost, empty. I only see things getting worse no matter how hard I try to be positive. I feel the need to escape myself but am unable to. I would tell you that I'm finding it hard to go on, and that I've been having a lot of dark thoughts and ideation lately. I've never had those kind of thoughts before. I'm scared and want desperately to feel better.

I'm seeing a "new" therapist (4 months now) I'm on an anti-depressant and also anti anxiety drugs. I do not know what else to do.

For those of you who have been in this spot, how did it turn out? Did anyone help you? Were you able to help yourself?

I'm grasping for straws here...but I feel desperate and I do not know where else to turn.

If anyone can tell me anything, please, I'd be forever grateful. Also, If you would like to send me a private mssg. to chat, I would appreciate that beyond words.

Thanks in advance, for any bit of hope provided.
*

[waterknob1234]

Hi LearningMe. I wish I knew some magic answer. For starters it sounds like you have had way too many hard situations to deal with in too short a time, divorce, losing a beloved family member through death, and on the list goes. That's enough to make a non depressed person suffer. I am glad you have a new therapist and are on anti-depressant medications. It may take time to connect with the new therapist and work thru all the issues. Know you are not alone. We are here with you and we care about you. You may pm me any time. I have dealt with some of the same things you have been thru as far as family issues. A few years ago both of my parents died within five months of each other and what was left of our family disintegrated after their death.

My heart goes out to you and I wish I could make everything better. Don't give up, though. At some point you will turn a corner, we have to hold on to hope. I will keep you in my heart and prayers.

[lilypup]

Hugs to you. You sound very proactive and instead of just wallowing in your misery, you are getting help. That is a huge step right there. Are you connecting with friends? Getting out to movies and things? Do your best not to isolate.

[falsememory7]

Learning, I'm so sorry that you've experienced so much in such a short period of time. That is incredibly difficult to deal with I'll PM you