[nnancy311]

I recently found my fiance dead from a self inflicted wound in our back yard. I can't get the image out of my head as well as the moments before. I just want to join him, in fact I was thinking of it myself. I have never felt so down and lost.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, nnancy311, and welcome to Psych Central! I am so sorry that happened. It's a terrible thing for survivors to have to deal with. I really encourage you to see a therapist as soon as you can. It would be hard to try to work through this situation alone, and your depression needs treatment.

[waterknob1234]

Hello nnancy, you have been thru a terrible shock and difficult painful experience. I agree with traveling lady. It would be good to see a therapist soon. Thinking of you.

[Fuzzybear]

I just want to send support and care. I agree with the others... Thinking of you

[Yoda]

I am so sorry. There are no words for such hell. Please keep posting and reaching out for help. Perhaps a survivor support group could help.

[Idiot17]

((((Nancy))))

[Abe Froman]

Please see someone soon, and keep talking to us until that happens.

[Altered Moment]

I am so sorry for you. Terrible trauma. It happened to a friend of mine a year and a half ago. You will need lots of good support to get through this. I know you will have survivors guilt and blame yourself to some degree but please realize at least rationally that it is not your fault at all.

[woundedsoul]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. This isn't something anyone should ever have to endure. People who do this feel like this is the only way to free themselves from the endless pain, loneliness, and emptiness that they feel inside. Although, they don't realize that it can get better, and if they do this, the pain that they leave behind for their loved ones, is an endless pain that never ends, that they now have to endure. All they've done is passed on their pain and agony to many others, to suffer for them, now that they're gone. It's not your fault, you couldn't have prevented this. Get to a therapist, and a survivors of suicide group. Something like that. Talk to others that are in the same situation as you. That can help you to get through this very difficult time in your life. You'll never forget, but eventually you'll learn to live with it, and it won't hurt as badly as it does now. But you do need to get some help to learn how to better deal and understand what you're feeling, and what you're going to be feeling. There is no normal, or abnormal behavior, so don't let people tell you there is. There isn't a time limit on grieving. But, without therapy, you may not be able to move forward. Good luck sweetie. I'm here if you need me.

[ombrétwilight]

Dear Nancy, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't and can't claim to understand exactly what you've gone through but it must have been so horribly traumatic. The only advice I can offer (from my small experience) is to talk to someone. Be it your friends, family, therapist etc. as sharing these emotions can be freeing and relieving. Write them down if you prefer, but do get help soon.

Don't beat yourself - likely no one could have foreseen it. Often suicidal people can project such normalcy and happiness to others (I should know, been there). It may be hard to see this now but surely he wanted you to live life to the fullest and happiest. My heart goes out to you and once again, please take care in this difficult time.