[AinsleyReed]

I first began experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts when I was nine. Other kids teased me and tried to not include me in the things they did. Whenever I'd tell my family, they shook their heads and told me I was being dramatic. Little things like that instantly cause me to lose trust in a person. If they wont listen to me the first time, they'll never be bothered again.

The few friends I had in the past few years moved away or dropped me as a friend to find other people who were more energetic and social. And now, I only have one friend I actively interact with and he lives 3,000 miles away and is a few years older with his own life beginning. I've grown tired trying to find new people. I've tried hard to keep on to what I've got, which is him and my my mother. No one else. Being around other people, I realized a few years ago, is something that intensifies my depression. So now, all I want to be is completely alone and unbothered but I can't have that in my living situation.

Lastly, I've been having problems with my gender identity. I never thought much about it till two years ago. Up until then, I had my more feminine days and I had my more masculine days and just went with it. But lately, I've been really questioning it. Being so unsure and scared has me stressed. I can't let go of what people expect me to be. And because it hasn't been something I actively stressed over for years and years, like most trans people, I have to winder if i'm just confused with myself.

I have no idea what to. I don't want to talk to anybody, especially my mom. As understanding as she can be, she makes private business the business of everyone else and their grandmother. There's no one else I want to turn to. My friend's birthday is tomorrow and I don't want to dump my suicidal thoughts onto him.

[Sameer6]

Originally Posted by AinsleyReed

I first began experiencing depression and suicidal thoughts when I was nine. Other kids teased me and tried to not include me in the things they did. Whenever I'd tell my family, they shook their heads and told me I was being dramatic. Little things like that instantly cause me to lose trust in a person. If they wont listen to me the first time, they'll never be bothered again.

The few friends I had in the past few years moved away or dropped me as a friend to find other people who were more energetic and social. And now, I only have one friend I actively interact with and he lives 3,000 miles away and is a few years older with his own life beginning. I've grown tired trying to find new people. I've tried hard to keep on to what I've got, which is him and my my mother. No one else. Being around other people, I realized a few years ago, is something that intensifies my depression. So now, all I want to be is completely alone and unbothered but I can't have that in my living situation.

Lastly, I've been having problems with my gender identity. I never thought much about it till two years ago. Up until then, I had my more feminine days and I had my more masculine days and just went with it. But lately, I've been really questioning it. Being so unsure and scared has me stressed. I can't let go of what people expect me to be. And because it hasn't been something I actively stressed over for years and years, like most trans people, I have to winder if i'm just confused with myself.

I have no idea what to. I don't want to talk to anybody, especially my mom. As understanding as she can be, she makes private business the business of everyone else and their grandmother. There's no one else I want to turn to. My friend's birthday is tomorrow and I don't want to dump my suicidal thoughts onto him.

Sorry to hear that..Hope your problems fade away soon.

[Shriveled Muse]

Have you considered seeing a therapist? If you are in school, you can try the counseling services and see if they help. I have also had depression for many years (sorry, I haven't experienced anything associated with gender identity. There might be a forum here for it though...) and my last t said that building connections with other people help stabilize the chemical imbalance in your brain. Although you may not feel comfortable doing it, gradually associating yourself with people you accept and respect in your life can help. If not, you could also keep posting here or go on into the chat rooms. There are lots of friendly people here

Best of luck~