[Lfreeman]

I'm perfectly aware of how I stress out my family, of how selfish, dumb, and irrational I am, and I know that I overreact over the smallest, most irrelevant things, and I know am completely unpredictable when it comes to my emotions. But still, I cannot control myself or prevent any of these things from happening, the realization of my mistakes only hit after I've done the damage, after everything is broken and there is no way for me to redeem myself.
I love my family, so, so much, and I feel bad for them that they have to deal with me, I would never wish that upon anyone. I know that I am nothing but a burden to them even though they would never admit it. The worst part is that when I am stressed or sad, they try to comfort me, and I just take out my anger on them and blame them for everything and say that they don't understand when I'm truly sure that they do.
I want it to stop so badly, and sometimes I convince myself that I'm changing, and then I just prove myself wrong and it hurts so much more than it would've been if I just had accepted that I am a horrible person and that there is no way to change it.
Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone know how I could change? I'm so sick of ruining everything- trying to feel bad for myself when I am the problem. I've been pretending that it's fine for too long, and it's time for it to change.

[Beanbag0]

I know exactly what that feels like. I feel like no matter how nice my friends are to help me i am pushing them away. And I am such a burden on my family! Gong places with them is such a mission and stress for me. I feel awful that they got me as their child...

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. Glad you found this site.

Well reaching out for help by signing up for this site and posting is a big first step. Are you in therapy? taking any meds? Been seen by a psychologist or anything like that?

Change is hard but it can happen with work and help.