[ak482]

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I am so stupid it's ridiculous as though the entire world wants me to look like the dumbest sack of s*** ever to live (and I'm giving them what they want). The only thing that will make me happy is love, but no one wants to love a stupid, boring, 32 year old virgin. I can't do anything right, just remove my brain. And that job I have is tenuous now as I'm probably going to be written up by a nurse for defending myself when she chose to be a total c*** towards me (and has always been). Screw this life, either get me a restart or just finish it.

[GenmaJay]

When you say disparaging things about yourself, know that it's only the depression that's making you think that. As for the hopelessness, I've been there, am there frequently, and I'm sorry you have to experience it. It feels like a black hole in your chest. At least, that's how it feels to me. We're all here for you. we're all listening.

[ak482]

I know I sound like a whiny little b***h, after all I have a job, car, and home. So I should shut up and be grateful, not feeling hopeless.

But I thank those of you who care enough to listen to me

[Abe Froman]

Well I just want you to know I've read your post a couple of times. So I'm listening. It's obvious that having a job, car, and a home has nothing to do with mental illness. There are so many people on here that have a job or don't have a job and have a house and car or don't have a house and car, regardless of their financial situations, they still have depression or are bipolar or bpd or whatever. So it's okay. Don't feel like you should shut up. You should keep telling us how you feel. That's why we're all here.

[ak482]

Thanks Abe. I always think I have to earn my emotions, that I'm just a whiny little b****. I just go through the motions now, praying for a miracle. Depression, anxiety, and hopelessness are overwhelming me now.

[waterknob1234]

This is the place to vent. We are all here to listen. I have a job, house, car as well. I am also depressed. Like you, my job drives me nuts. I understand how you feel. I don't think you are stupid at all. That is the depression talking. Sounds like you may have to work with some of the same difficult personalities as I do. Take care of yourself. We care.

[ak482]

Originally Posted by waterknob1234

This is the place to vent. We are all here to listen. I have a job, house, car as well. I am also depressed. Like you, my job drives me nuts. I understand how you feel. I don't think you are stupid at all. That is the depression talking. Sounds like you may have to work with some of the same difficult personalities as I do. Take care of yourself. We care.

Kinda. My co-workers in the pharmacy are terrific, the job is just getting stressful because we are trying a new method of filling. I think it's actually beneficial but it's taking time right now. That's no excuses to unaccountable head-hunting nurses who do what they want because they can and would look for any reason to get rid of me to show power. Obviously they must have connections.

I'm glad you folks care because I can't tell anyone why I'm feeling so depressed. I had a suicidal ideation bout 2 years ago and I thought that was the end of it. I still feel depressed and too humiliated to talk to any friends about my depression/loneliness/anxiety/dire need for love or end my life.

[Idiot17]

((((((Ak482)))))

[ak482]

I wonder: will I ever be okay? What is my role in life? I'd like to know the answers now.