[LazyLogophile]

In the middle of the sweltering mid-July Las Vegas heat, my partner and I packed all of our belongings as well as our four-year-old son into a big yellow truck and set off for the Pacific Northwest. We have been saving, struggling, and sacrificing for years to be able to afford this move. With no friends or family PNW area, we knew that we would need a significant financial cushion in order to survive the moving expenses in addition to the cost of living while trying to find new jobs and enroll our son in preschool.

The whole thing has been a huge bomb of stress from the start. This is largely due to my partner (who is an independent contractor) because did not invoice for three months of his work - leaving our funds almost completely depleted upon arrival in our new city. We proceeded to spend several weeks in some of the most unsavory hotel/motels I have ever stayed in - all because we did not have an apartment or extended stay secured before the move. Both of these things made me extremely angry because I had made it clear to my partner before we moved that I wanted him to invoice for his work so we would not be waiting for funds to come while trying to pay our moving expenses, and that I wanted to make the transition as smooth as possible so our son would not remember it as a stressful/turbulent thing. So much for that. My worries and concerns almost always fall on deaf ears - not because my partner is uncaring, but because he is a narcissist and, despite giving me more respect than he gives most people, he doesn't have a lot of respect for other peoples ideas, opinions, or feelings. When it comes to making decisions for our family - he knows best. All the time. Every time. Only in hindsight will he admit that things should have been done differently, but that lesson is never considered when new family decisions need to be made. This is a constant source of stress, without the additional stress of a dynamic transition like moving, starting a new job, and making new friends - with absolutely no safety net.

We are currently living in a one bedroom apartment, sharing our bed with our four-year-old and having almost no "alone" time or "adult" time. For the entire month of August, we were living on almost no money at all. I had to beg my parents for a loan (something I have never done, and never plan to do again) just to secure our tiny living space. Since my partner finally invoiced for his work, we have more financial breathing room (finally) and we were able to pay our debts. But after a month and a half of waiting, stressing, and generally being confined to a tiny, over-crowded prison cell, we are all tired of each other and everyone is feeling anxious/irritable/frustrated.

My son recently started preschool at a great spot! This has been a huge stress-relief. A large part of our motivation for moving in the first place was due to the lack of good childcare and preschool situations in our former community. Unfortunately, this preschool only offers half-day programs. I was recently offered a full-time job for a very good hourly wage plus full benefits, so I am now wondering how I am going to balance my hour commute, my 10-hour work day, and my son's health and well-being. He will need to be in someone else's care from 7am until 5pm every weekday - leaving us only an hour or so in the evening to spend time together. How am I ever going to have any influence in his life if he hardly ever sees me? And what sort of preschool is only open for 4 hours per day? What do these parents DO with their kids for the rest of the day? It's all so frustrating and I feel powerless to make anything positive come out of this situation. The only good news is that with my partner and I both working full-time, we will be able to put a great down payment on a plot of land and build the house we have been talking about for six years. Maybe at that time I will be able to resume working from home - but I can't count on it. And by that time, my son will be in second or third grade and will not need me as much as he does right now.

I know this is a detailed post, and I haven't posted or responded to anyone on this forum for a long time. I just wanted to vent...to someone. I have no friends out here yet, and I'm starting to think it will be a long while before I can make any. We can't go out and meet people because there is no one to babysit for us. I have connected with a few parents at the local parks - all of whom will not respond to me when I text them to see if they are available for the play date we talked about on the day we met each other. I am starting to think that there might be something that I am doing or saying that is offending people or putting them off, but they are all too polite to tell me straightforwardly. I understand that transitions take time...but the loneliness and isolation make it difficult for me to regulate my sensitivity, anxiety, and frustration.

I've read all the advice columns. Get out, do things, keep busy, find hobbies, think happy thoughts, exercise, this too shall pass, etc. Great advice - and I am truly trying to put all of those things into action. Yet, I can't help but feel a little impatient. I know everything will get better soon, that I will gradually adjust and things will work themselves out one way or another.

I just wish I had a friend. I haven't had a good friend in a long time. I hope I can find one here - but it won't happen until I'm happy and comfortable. When I no longer yearn for friendship, it will arrive at my doorstep with bells on (so to speak). That is quite a conundrum. Having friendship will help me feel better, yet I can't find quality friends until I am in a healthy state of mind. Ugh. FML.

Thanks for letting me whine. I feel better now. I hope that maybe, in some small way, my little rant helps someone else in another place who is in a similar situation feel less alone.

[Rohag]

Hello, LazyLogophile - congratulations on your daring move!
I hope several months from now you can look back and say it was all worth it.

[LazyLogophile]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello, LazyLogophile - congratulations on your daring move!
I hope several months from now you can look back and say it was all worth it.

Thank you!

[Abe Froman]

I read your story and that sounds tough. I second Rohag's sentiments. Best of luck to you.

[LazyLogophile]

Originally Posted by Abe Froman

I read your story and that sounds tough. I second Rohag's sentiments. Best of luck to you.

Thank you! Really - both of you. I know that this is not the most attention-grabbing piece of forum literature, but it really did help to get it all out. Even if no one gives a s**t (which they don't - and that is not only fine, it's what I expect because any realistic, logical person would not assume that whatever they are going through matters to anyone but themselves), it still helps to put it into words that will be seen and possibly understood by other human beings.

And, amazingly, a few people actually care about someone who is really trying to fight their inner demons instead of continually b**ching about them.