[CosmicRose]

I'm 22. I currently work as an at-home telemarketer for a company that sells things I don't care about. I don't have a college degree because I'm scared of going into debt or taking out a loan and having to pay it off for the next 5 years. I live with my 68 year old dad but I'm planning on moving out and buying my own house as soon as I save up for a down payment, and I'm even planning on moving to another state but this won't be for another year or even two. I'm scared to get a "real job" where I have to drive to work every day, interact with coworkers and customers face to face, and stay there from 9-5, I am very shy and just plain scared of this. I was super lucky with this at home job but its all on commission and its a struggle. The last job I had was in retail and I quit after 2 months because it was hell for me. I have nothing on my resume except a volunteer position I did when I was 18. I feel like I'm wasting my life or not doing what I should be doing like getting a degree or having a "real" job. My mom makes me feel like crap about this and my dad even comments about me still living with him. I'm so depressed right now I'm about to cry. I feel like a total loser. I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday because I wasn't in love with him and he was a good guy. I can't believe my life right now, I don't know what to do. I'm scared and feel stuck. I'm terrified of "growing up" and actually being out on my own, but I crave the freedom so bad. I got in a fight with my dad tonight and I feel like ***** because I went off the handle and yelled at him, even though he helps me as much as he can. I'm so lost...

[Idiot17]

I'm terrified of "growing up" and actually being out on my own, but I crave the freedom so bad.

I used to be scared too but then the need of just living over rode that. Good luck.

[seraphic]

Even with all the setbacks, you're fighting to keep going. That sounds like the opposite of failure to me. When you're depressed, even getting out of bed in the morning can be a victory, and making it through each day is absolutely something to being proud of. You don't have to judge yourself by anyone's standards of success but your own.

[Sprite22]

Hang in there. These days kids have a real hard time getting on their own. Your not alone. To bad you could not find interest somehow. I know the feeling of fear with this...I go through it too. I don't work and wish I could.

[morganjane]

The important thing is to keep moving forward one step at a time, one breath at a time. Don't let other people give you crap and don't bother viewing your life in comparison to anybody else's. You need to live YOUR life, not someone else's. As someone who is really horribly afraid of social situations, forcing myself to get a job where I had to deal with people is one of the best things I ever did. I found out that I could do the job well; apparently being scared of people makes me more sensitive to their needs and feelings.

[TorturedSoul92]

We're the same age, so I hope my words will provide some relief. Ive been in similar situations where I felt like I was losing at life. However, I realized that depression has the tendency to emphasize all negative feelings, making it feel 10x worse than usual. Maybe that's the experience you're having especially coupled with the pressure of what it is to be 22 in our society & generation. Have you considered or already sought therapy?

[waterknob1234]

Make little changes one step at a time. One thing at a time. Try some different things. It may take a bit to figure out what works, what you are good at, what you would like to do work, career, and life-wise. Depression is a beast. The depression will tell you that you are a failure. But you are not a failure. Best wishes.

[Blues47]

I see quite a bit of positive here. OK the job sounds like crap, but at least you're working. Scared of going into debt? Good! That means you have a healthy appreciation for what debt is. Planning on saving up and buying a house? Good! I'm 45 and just bought my first property this summer! Ended a dead end relationship?? Good! I've been in a dead end relationship for five years and the only reason I haven't ended it is that it suits my dead end life. Sounds to me like you're making good decisions and not rushing things that don't need to be rushed.

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by Blues47

I see quite a bit of positive here. OK the job sounds like crap, but at least you're working. Scared of going into debt? Good! That means you have a healthy appreciation for what debt is. Planning on saving up and buying a house? Good! I'm 45 and just bought my first property this summer! Ended a dead end relationship?? Good! I've been in a dead end relationship for five years and the only reason I haven't ended it is that it suits my dead end life. Sounds to me like you're making good decisions and not rushing things that don't need to be rushed.

OMG thank you SO MUCH! It's totally a matter of perspective isn't it?? Wow, its crazy how dark and deep your mind can talk yourself into something. It's like I'm comparing my life to movie stars, millionaires, motivational speakers selling ten books, and I'm sitting here still living with my dad (Which technically deep down in my heart I really want to because he's not doing well health wise and I want to be here for him no matter what). The fact that I'm just itching to have my adult freedom and my own beautiful apartment is what is driving me crazy right now - which boils down to the materialistic. Yeah my job sucks but at the same time I call it a god-send because last year I didn't even have a job, and since it's on commission, sometimes I make really good money. I've just been calling myself a failure because of the actual title of my job, compared to a doctor or a teacher or a CEO or someone with a college degree.
I might get an associates degree in science if I feel like paying money for school again, but I want to start my own business more than that. So there's always room for growth. Anyway, your comment really helped me, thank you!

[lilypup]

Glad you got out of a relationship not healthy for you. I have a 26 and a 20 YO living at home with me. 22 is not very old to live at home. Just take it one thing at a time. Can you go to a community college where it is cheaper?