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maddnessreturns
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Default Oct 18, 2014 at 06:37 PM
  #181
Bad day or so. I just can't function right now. I just want to sleep. My stress and anxiety that comes with my depression is causing my migraines to come back which is just another med and another day in bed.

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Default Oct 18, 2014 at 06:49 PM
  #182
When everything literally sucks ***.
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Default Oct 18, 2014 at 09:10 PM
  #183
I am struggling today. I took a shower. This has been my only accomplishment for the day.

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Default Oct 18, 2014 at 09:34 PM
  #184
Even with all that's happened, and both of my parents drinking tonight, there hasn't been a single fight between the two of them. Is this a sign that things can only go up from here? Should I be worried?

They'll both be sober tomorrow, and I'm hoping so hard the two of them can work things out. I'm clinging to this frail hope that we can recover, even if only partially. That hope is the only thing keeping me from giving up.
 
 
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 06:21 AM
  #185
I am still at the hospital. My health is not improving. Here I have a Pdoc and T. They gave me fluoxetine 20mg. I am trying to keep calm

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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 09:46 AM
  #186
Ive hurt and been hurt severely. I dont know how to come back from this.
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 01:44 PM
  #187
I am so tired, physically and mentally tired. The medications made me tired, the post cancer treatment made me more tired, fatigue, joints pain, and my mind ... well my mind is not fine. If it is true that all the mental illness I have are from a Chemical imbalance, then why is taking more than 3 decades to find the right medications and dose to help me?

I know, is not all about the medication, I need therapy too, but time pass and here am writing to you all about how much I want to be a normal person. I think am not going not be normal, ever, not even when I think that am stable am normal. I can live with that but I can't stand this emptiness, the sad and dark thoughts, the pain, the irony of this lonely ...

Quote:
Chemical imbalance is one hypothesis about the cause of mental illness. Other causes that are debated include psychological and social causes. Sourcehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemical_imbalance

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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 03:13 PM
  #188
Starting a new job tomorrow. I've had 3 crying jags and 2 panic attacks this weekend. What the heck is wrong with me

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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 05:06 PM
  #189
I'm not improving. This is so demoralizing.
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 06:46 PM
  #190
Was ok earlier now I feel like ****.
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 06:52 PM
  #191
The pdoc listened and took me seriously, what a nice change from the past. He didn't discount my side effects and agreed with my changing the time to evening.
I'm a bit worried about the blood work results next week but other wise doing ok. Coasting along at null level.

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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 07:05 PM
  #192
Getting up after only 3 hours sleep doesn't help.. I don't know why my doc didn't care about my heart, it is really bugging me.
I made myself get out today, but it wasn't great. My son is out of my hands a bit, but I'm exhausted and will just have to put up with his anger later when I unplug his videogame..
I'm very lonely today and down, hoping tomorrow is better
 
 
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 08:10 PM
  #193
This night I saw a falling star. My sister told me to make a wish, I know these things don't work, but even só I wished for friends.

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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 11:20 PM
  #194
I am frustrated. I want to get back to being myself again. But I don't really know who that is.
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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 11:22 PM
  #195
Good day today.

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Default Oct 19, 2014 at 11:51 PM
  #196
Death or not. This thought that constantly permeates my every moment. For all those people that tell me that I have nothing to be upset about, that it's all my imagination, I bet it won't be imagination if I leave from this world, would it?

I know that I wouldn't, but I feel that that moment is gaining momentum... Speeding up closer to the present.... And then I don't know anymore.
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Default Oct 20, 2014 at 12:35 AM
  #197
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shriveled Muse View Post
Death or not. This thought that constantly permeates my every moment. For all those people that tell me that I have nothing to be upset about, that it's all my imagination, I bet it won't be imagination if I leave from this world, would it?

I know that I wouldn't, but I feel that that moment is gaining momentum... Speeding up closer to the present.... And then I don't know anymore.
Hi. I am new here. And dont know you. But I hope you do not leave this world. I stfuggle with the feelings too. But I sorta want to finish what I started. No matter how difficult it is. that doesnt change that I want to leave. I think that I am also a bit scared to die. But anyway, I do hope you will stay.
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Default Oct 20, 2014 at 12:39 AM
  #198
I live with depression. Has always been that way from the first days I can remember. I think its genetic. And also other things. I had my true self taken from me long ago. And recovering it is a daunting task. I try to smile a lot. And I am successful at doing that when I am out in public. I honestly prefer to smile anyway. I think it makes me feel happy to smile. But there is a deep saddness and depression. This, I know.
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Default Oct 20, 2014 at 01:48 AM
  #199
Yesterday I went for a walk in the woods, it was vey muddy as it had been raining. I was walking up a really steep hill and of course I fell face down into the mud. I had an asthma attack for the first time in years. So there I was, lying in the mud, struggling to breath and thinking I don't think I can get up. There was no one to ask for help. Why do I have to do everything alone? Even getting up when I am hurt has to be alone. It has always been that way and now I am so accustomed to alone-ness that it will always be that way.
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Default Oct 20, 2014 at 08:54 AM
  #200
Just numb...regretting my decision of over a year ago, and I'm just a mess since then. I never thought that life could get this complicated. I've really ruined my life...
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