[Frost287]

Had to go to the hospital to get a wound looked at, it was nice to be taken care of for a change

[Rose76]

I did some hard thinking the past few hours. I have gotten ridiculously stressed out with caretaker responsibilities concerning my s/o, who is really more like an ex-boyfriend that I stayed friends with. I don't live with him, but I'm running over there constantly, providing care, when he could make more use of home help from the VA.

This past week, I got awful depressed. All the great progress I made from May till the end of summer and through September seemed to be going up in smoke. I do everything for this guy, and he's giving me a hard time. I come back from visiting him all upset.

I'm going to make fewer visits and I bet I can start feeling pretty good again. I'm feeling better right now, just making my mind up that I don't need someone playing me for a dope.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

I didn't know that could happen. I'm so ignorant lol. Yes, I'm definitely going to let her know. My next appt isn't until Dec. 2nd though. Do you think I should call her office and tell her? It's happened a couple of other times before, but I can't really remember the details. My memory is terrible these days.

Once I crashed at work, I was extremely anxious by the sheer number of foot traffic around my desk. The type of job I have requires that I am basically chained to my desk and can't leave unless for breaks and lunches. This does wonders for my anxiety as you can imagine.

I've only ever been hypomanic on meds. I suggest you call the office. I hope they don't put you on a mood stabilizer, but maybe a different AD or a different dose. The concern is that it could spill into mania. And what goes up must come down; the depression afterwards is horrible.

[gracebuttercup]

hi. i am pretty new here. This is only my second post on this thread. But I have been reading what people have written.

i woke up on Tuesday in terrible pain. Turns out i have strep which has settled in to my sinuses. I am on a lot of medication for it now. Oddly going to the dr gave me some one to one human contact. So it ended up being a positive. plus, i think the re-occurring strep will finally be fixed. The dr is taking a new approach.

I have yet to go to sleep. Because some of the medication has to be taken separate from anything including food. So I am orchestrating it all. Still have to do the neti pot. I will prevail over this strep. I will win. It will lose. ahhh the timer just went off. I can take my next round of pills for the strep. And then do the neti pot for the sinuses

[Bark]

Ah, stupidity. I waste my session with my therapist not knowing how I'm feeling and leaving it to the end. It's my fault. Why did I even say anything? And why did I expect her to guess? And I kept her next appointment waiting. In any case, I agreed to wait for her to finish. And for all I know I'll end up in the ER again. Because in this state, I don't think they can trust me to be safe. And I can't promise.

Why did I even bother saying anything? And I feel so strongly that it's my fault and I'm to blame, no matter what she said. With my luck they'll throw me inpatient. And my psychiatrist isn't even here. I hate myself so much.

[Can't Stop Crying]

down....down...down....no ups here

[regretful]

It's terrible...I know, intellectually, that there are good things all around, but emotionally, I'm in such a terrible state that feels never-ending. I hate my life...

Now my dad is back to his apologetic phase again. He left my mom a note this morning before heading to work. The note said how sorry he was and how much he wants to make it up and try to be the best man he can be for my mom. I'm seeing a pattern. I just hope they don't drink tonight, as alcohol is the one thing fueling this whole mess...
Now over a week of this ****, I can't believe it!

[Tired-of-this]

I think that today is the lowest I've ever felt.

[Bark]

And... yet another admission.

If I had known I wouldn't have worn shoes with shoelaces. I'm lucky, though; they don't strip-search here.

[Nammu]

Had a check up yesterday, everything was fine except my weight and triglycerides, which were very very high, mid 500's range . Sugar, other cholesterol and other blood work was fine.

I'm wondering how much my AP is playing a role in this? I'm doing so much better than I was before I started that I'm hesitant to ask for changes. As I understand it, triglycerides are from too many unused calories, which I am not using because I don't exercise or move much, because of my back. My daily intake is around 1000 cal but I'm clearly not using those calories.

I should have asked for physical therapy, that is by appointment and I have to get up and leave to keep the appointments. I tell myself I have got to get up and go someplace but end up not doing it because it causes pain.....it's a self defeating cycle, if I don't move the pain is worse when I do move, if I move the pain will get better as I move more......there is an activity center connected to my doctors but I can't hear well so I avoid going...so much talking among each other I feel like an outcast.

[imjustsolittle]

I cant take LIFE.

Work with people just drive me nuts makes me angry and I dont seem to understand why any people do the things they do. I feel so certain their bad mouthing me after the incident in the washroom with a hush coming over these two girls when I just need to pee. I feel like I'm in high school and I'm the one whom says something out loud like today: I SAID YOURE FAKE AND YOU KNOW IT. Apparently this has been interpretted as a threat. I dont know or understand how… but if you are fake did some fake stuff and one girl found out and called you out on it… wouldnt you address them? Instead its the next day, shes dug old notes out of my trash and presented a neighbour as a 'impartial witness' whom happens to be her best friend… I dont trust anyone. I feel more and more paranoid in this office environment. I just want them to shut up. Why cant I have a door to my cubicle. That would help.

So I'm feeling MORE hopeless as they have to move my desk somewhere else so she can feel FINE. Apparently, no one HAS moved passed when I raised my voice about something else to a whole other person because they lied to me about work. I dont think lies have a place and I dont see the point of being nice to someone and bad mouthing them behind their back in a work environment. I feel let down since I had been hoping this stuff would be phased out of the world by age 20. SO since I confronted her I am the bad one. Since no one said any badmouting to my face - there was none and you cannot say fake or something along those lines. I dont believe a word of her story. I'm confused as **** as to why I am so paranoid but I'm someone who wants or needs good influences. I have no problems with the other staff but so far the boss said "This is not appropriate etc. clean up the language" - so - I have no idea what to do because I feel completely uncomfortable around them even being in the building. How do you calm paranoia? I am not good at leaning on… say reasonable doubt that nothing was said. This lady is just playing dumb to the boss and acting like I left stuff on her desk - which was proven wrong.

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Now my dad is back to his apologetic phase again. He left my mom a note this morning before heading to work. The note said how sorry he was and how much he wants to make it up and try to be the best man he can be for my mom. I'm seeing a pattern. I just hope they don't drink tonight, as alcohol is the one thing fueling this whole mess...
Now over a week of this ****, I can't believe it!

I know, I know...I keep saying how alcohol is bad. But today I drank a little with Mom and am slightly buzzed. Mom, however, is ****faced, and Dad is def going to notice when he comes home from work in...10-20 min.? Don't know how he'll take it. Usually he gets upset when he comes home to her being drunk, he wants her wait until he goes to the liquor store and buys booze for both of them. I hope he won't notice I've been drinking. I just hope he doesn't go to the liquor store tonight himself, although I know he probably will. I better get ready for yet more **** tonight.

[TheOriginalMe]

I'm still pretty calm, I think because I'm trying not to pin all my hopes on my pdoc appt on Friday. If it is another dead end, I just don't know how I'll cope. I just hope that numb calmness will see me through.

I made myself walk today. Doc said either keep walking or rest. I rested for several days and my hip/back area was okay. Walking too much makes it worse. It feels like something suddenly slips out of place, and then laying down for days it is better.

My son thinks its an excuse and says I'm asking him to help me because "ever since you went to the doc and found out what is wrong you expect me to help, its an excuse".....umm no kiddo its not... my heart is still jumping in my chest too...

my ex, I don't blame him for everything although its a bitter thing between us, lost his dad and now I feel for him and he knows it... I can't let myself think he was ever good to me because he was a bit in our early years of marriage... but not really...the things he said and did.... yet I can't stop feeling some sympathy. I'm glad it doesn't hurt anymore like it used to and I'm okay with the idea of being alone now. It took me a few years to accept everything was not going to ever work, but I'm finally okay.

I know it is wrong to be feeling kind of justified, but he cheated on me last year and this year found a new woman and moved in with her. Today, he rarely tells me anything, but said he thinks he might need to move out of her home and find his own place. She is forcing him to get a better job and help her more with payments on her house. I'm sorry that I feel good if things don't work out for him, but I think what he did to me, for that, he deserves some problems. I'm bad and will have to ask God to forgive me for thinking that way.

[mulan]

My classmate who had an hemorragic AVC is being waken up. He is not paralysed wich is not bad. But he might has sensorial afasia and blindness. He had these at the time, before the surgery, and he didn't show any parasia by the time. I'm roughting for he. The next say will reveal the consequences. I'm now conserned about him.

[maddnessreturns]

Upset about my doctor saying there are no other options for meds so I will just have to deal with the side effects for something that works. Ugh. I hate this. I can't function without meds sadly.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bark]

Got to keep my shoelaces and my phone. Probably because I've been here so often all the nurses know me. Depends on the nurse at intake, though.

Inpatient therapist got me anxious and messed up as heck. I'm better now. Don't know if I'll leave tomorrow. Most likely not today.

[regretful]

A ray of hope has shone through...could be the start of some better things...

[Rose76]

Wanting to just cower under the covers.

"Things don't just get better, you have to make them better."
How? What resources do I have???

[Bark]

They confiscated some of my things. I helped them. I'm just not in a good place right now.

[eaglegrafix]

I'm sitting here just hoping for a call from the pdoc I'm scheduled to see telling me someone has cancelled and I can get in sooner than three week from today. I'm tired of this elephant sitting on my chest.

[Bark]

Can't sleep.

We'll see if they fight tonight.