[mulan]

My classmate who had an hemorragic AVC is being waken up. He is not paralysed wich is not bad. But he might has sensorial afasia and blindness. He had these at the time, before the surgery, and he didn't show any parasia by the time. I'm roughting for he. The next say will reveal the consequences. I'm now conserned about him.

[maddnessreturns]

Upset about my doctor saying there are no other options for meds so I will just have to deal with the side effects for something that works. Ugh. I hate this. I can't function without meds sadly.

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[Bark]

Got to keep my shoelaces and my phone. Probably because I've been here so often all the nurses know me. Depends on the nurse at intake, though.

Inpatient therapist got me anxious and messed up as heck. I'm better now. Don't know if I'll leave tomorrow. Most likely not today.

[regretful]

A ray of hope has shone through...could be the start of some better things...

[Rose76]

Wanting to just cower under the covers.

"Things don't just get better, you have to make them better."
How? What resources do I have???

[Bark]

They confiscated some of my things. I helped them. I'm just not in a good place right now.

[eaglegrafix]

I'm sitting here just hoping for a call from the pdoc I'm scheduled to see telling me someone has cancelled and I can get in sooner than three week from today. I'm tired of this elephant sitting on my chest.

[Bark]

Can't sleep.

We'll see if they fight tonight.

[tigerlily84]

Left a message for the doctor...yesterday. Still haven't heard back. So... that does not feel great. I'm all over the place. Mostly good so I hope that will continue at least.

[waterknob1234]

I called my doctor yesterday for a refill of my stomach medicine. I still have not heard back. It seems like I was really getting out of my depression. Then yesterday I came home from work so tired I couldn't muster the strength to do anything, not even to read my e-mail or get on my computer. Of course due to a busy schedule I have been away for a few days. I had mild migraines today and I felt paranoid all day. I know its not true, but I can't help but feel like certain people at work are out to get me.

On the bright side I am going on vacation next week.

[TheOriginalMe]

Worried. Stuck in a pointless loop where I think about hurting myself so the pdoc will have to take me on and then I decide that I only want help if it is because I'm worth helping and not because I SI. I'd feel bad if I chose to SI and then I use not doing it to make myself feel worse. I used to respect myself for staying safe, it felt like a positive achievement, now it feels like a massive barrier that prevents me from getting help. There is a nagging voice saying "Go on, just once, that will be enough". I keep answering back, saying no, not yet. Pathetic,why can't I just break this thought pattern, it is leading nowhere.

[Shriveled Muse]

As I think and mull and despair over the disaster that is my life (unfortunately), I constantly think about that one option. But even as I plan, there is this guilt that pesters me at the end of every chain. I curse it, trying to be rid of it and trying to convince myself otherwise. The curse of this guilt that serves as my tether to my personal living hell.

I suppose I should be grateful for it even as I curse its existence.

Was woken up at 7:30 this morning by the trucks emptying out the dumpsters not far from my house. They always do it so early, no one can get any sleep. I have a headache now, am planning on going to the library later because I have books that are due. However, I feel so insecure and ugly. I get anxious at the very thought of having to be seen in public. Nobody likes to be burdened by having to look at a fat and ugly girl, and they make sure you know it. I can only try to ignore the mean looks, but it really gets me down.

Mom is also awake and is already drinking. I hate her always being drunk.

[regretful]

Holding on to hope...

My mood is better but now I'm dealing with pain and needing to get things done which seems like an overwhelming task. Just bending over to pick something up is very painful

ShyPoetGirl, (I hope you don't mind this) I'm sorry for what you are going through and dealing with. Just want you to know as a young girl I was very concerned with how I looked and worried I wasn't good enough or would be looked down on. There are so many people in the world who struggle with their weight and worry about their own looks, they are too busy with their own lives to be concerned of how you look. Everyone judges themselves too harshly and I hope you can find it in you to accept yourself as you are. The library is a great place to go, hope you do.

Originally Posted by needarealitycheck

ShyPoetGirl, (I hope you don't mind this) I'm sorry for what you are going through and dealing with. Just want you to know as a young girl I was very concerned with how I looked and worried I wasn't good enough or would be looked down on. There are so many people in the world who struggle with their weight and worry about their own looks, they are too busy with their own lives to be concerned of how you look. Everyone judges themselves too harshly and I hope you can find it in you to accept yourself as you are. The library is a great place to go, hope you do.

Thank you for this. Unfortunately, I've decided not to go anywhere today, I'll just pay the fines. I really hate going places because people always look at me like I should be dead or something. I am really very ugly.

[TheLastChapter]

Gosh. The past week has just been awful. Every night I have cried. And it is over little stuff that shouldnt matter. But I just have been super emotional lately. My advisor for school wants me to get a document from my doctor with my diagnosis. They said that they could "help" me when my school work. It is hard to admit to my university that I have an illness that makes school hard for me. Yesterday was also the first day that I actually cried infront of my counselor. It was the first time she really saw me upset and depressed. She really had to dig at me to get me to talk. I just have been really out of it lately. I just kind of wanna stay in bed. I wish I could. I feel so exhausted. Just ready for this depressive wave to be done.

[TheOriginalMe]

I got the breakthrough I needed today. The local mental health team took me on, this is despite all the things that they have used as excuses in the past for not taking me on. I'm not complaining, just confused. However, I have support, at last. What a relief.