[TheOriginalMe]

My boss wasn't in the office again and only one person in my team spoke to me. I talked to someone from another team about their aeropress coffee maker just to have a little company. I find it hard to start up conversations, so my anxiety was pretty high. The coffee maker person was quite friendly, shame he works in a different team.

[cherrykix]

Feeling really low. Can't stop wondering if I'll ever feel safe and happy again. I want to succeed, but maybe I'm just never going to.

[oliamble]

:-) Feeling great guys, getting ready to go to the movies with my son. :-)

[Nammu]

Not sure what's going on, I decreased one of my meds that was causing increased nerve and muscle pain but my anxiety and irritability are up. The pain has decreased though and that is good. 6 of one and a half dozen of the other I guess.

The weekend is coming now, and this week went by so fast. Then it's back to work on Monday after having a week off. It's the first week off I had in a while. Unfortunately I ruined my time off with depression and anxiety. I felt like I was driving my friend nuts. He can be pretty critical and not understanding.

I may have to make an appointment for a doctor because there's something suspicious with my skin. I really dread it. And I feel like I've blamed myself for having that problem on my skin. My friend seems to think that there's nothing wrong. But I think that there is. That concern that I have with my skin ruined my time off, especially the last half of it.

Also it's been so hot outside. The heat makes me feel depressed. I tend to be more cheerful if it were cloudy and drizzling. As I'm typing on here with my windows opened, there are a couple of little girls next door playing and screaming really loud. I hate it when it's hot!

Another overcast, chilly day. Was actually feeling okay because I thought I would get to see my little cousin this afternoon and was looking forward to it. But then my aunt texted my mom and said she wouldn't make it today because her van won't start and the breaks in her truck are sticking. So I guess that's out. Now all I have to look forward this evening are my parents drinking. Here's to another week of absolutely nothing good happening to me.

It's the day after an ECT and, once again, I'm feeling a little bit better somehow. I just wish it would last. Last time it only lasted one day.

My husband is out of town until tomorrow mid-afternoon. I don't like being alone when I feel like this. At least I had lunch with a friend and went grocery shopping. Now it's on the couch/t.v. until I go to bed probably. Please, Lord, let ECT be my solution.

[TheOriginalMe]

I can't see any way out of this, apart from the final way, the way out that I always reject. It is so horrible thinking that I should end my life, it is like carrying a huge malignancy with me everywhere I go.

[phénix_zzz]

^ Your life is worth fighting for, it seriously is. Even with that huge malignancy feeling. I don't know what to say as my life is pretty bleak right now - but wanted you to know that you're not alone.

Today is heavy, hard, ridiculously difficult and full of ridiculous thoughts running in my head. I'm grounding myself on my couch with netflix and the cat. Because I don't feel like I can do anything constructive when my head is this friggin' destructive. Today is not a good day. Please, please, please let tomorrow be a better one.

[Clara22]

At the hospital

To Clara, I hope that you will get well soon.

For me today was another depression day for me. Maybe it's because of the high heat that will not seem to end. Still worried about my skin. And today I got rear ended by another car. It was the driver's fault. He was not paying attention and rammed into me. And because of the impact, I ended up hitting the SUV in front of me. We were stopped at an intersection with a red light. My car is in the garage now because of a broken radiator. So at the end of the day, I have no car.

[hope2010]

I m back at the hospital, yesterday my husband was hospitalized again with pneumonia, had surgery, today he is in pain, restless. Good thing he is in excellent care, will be a long week with pain and hopefully he will finally recovery in a months. I am very tired, the post chemo and radiation treatment still made me feel exhausted, chronic fatigue. My anxiety level is really high, am not well most of the time, am not depress I think am not, but chronic anxiety slowy putting down. I am coming back to our room to rest. All I want is to sleep for 12 hours ...

[lilypup]

Feel good today...went to church and came home and got dinner in the crock pot. Will watch football later. A little lonely for my husband who will not be home till 8 tonight.

Mom is drinking today...greeaaat.

Disappointed. After my 4th ECT on Friday morning, my mood was slightly elevated Saturday and the first half of today. Now I'm back to feeling very depressed and snarly again. I wonder if it's normal to feel temporarily better early on in ECT treatment . . .

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Mom is drinking today...greeaaat.

Scratch that, Mom and Dad...
Sunday used to be my break. What happened?

[TheOriginalMe]

I don't feel safe. No matter how bad the urges were before I thought I could cope, I felt safe. That changed at 2.12pm yesterday. There was a decision and although by 5.30pm I had delayed the decision, I know I can't hold out forever. I'm seeing my doctor today, I hope he can get me the right care. The thoughts are more or less constant, I can't sleep, this is bad.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe

I don't feel safe. No matter how bad the urges were before I thought I could cope, I felt safe. That changed at 2.12pm yesterday. There was a decision and although by 5.30pm I had delayed the decision, I know I can't hold out forever. I'm seeing my doctor today, I hope he can get me the right care. The thoughts are more or less constant, I can't sleep, this is bad.

Original, if you don't think you can hold out until then, please go to the A&E.

[Bark]

Had a nightmare about feeling so bad I was wondering whether to go to the ER. I saw someone who passed away who was dear to me because apparently he had received my text asking whether I should. I'm tired of these kinds of dreams. I want to rest when I'm asleep. I'm worried enough about my exam tomorrow that I managed to wake up. Hopefully I stay up.

In reality I'm doing fine. Really. Going back on a medication helped. And I'm back in dorms, where I won't be triggered as much by my family, whom I love, but for different reasons can really mess with my mood.

[Brintel]

Originally Posted by Bark

New thread!

As usual, I'm tired. And it doesn't get any better on the weekends. I want to feel rested for once....

I can relate. I slept for almost twelve hours last night; went to bed at seven and got up at six for work. My doctor is treating me like a narcoleptic and put me on Ritalin. At least I don't sleep at my desk anymore. Hope you feel better soon.