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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 10:53 AM
  #981
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Originally Posted by herethennow View Post
cant face anything school related - i feel like a failure.

pdoc appt coming soon.
i feel like defaulting and just ... give up.
Same here. It seems whenever I get better, it's only a matter of time before I slip up again. Especially around school. Especially around papers. Why can't I write a damn paper?

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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 11:44 AM
  #982
Feeling only fair today.
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 12:40 PM
  #983
A miracle happened. The sun is out - for right now, at least. Thank goodness, because I really needed the sun to be out today. And also, today is Sunday, which means my parents won't be drinking tonight, which means no fights. I can breathe for a little bit. This will be my first okay day in a loooong time. However, I'm still dreading tomorrow and what it will probably be. I'm actually dreading the whole 6 days to come, even Xmas, as I know it will be nothing but just more of the same.
 
 
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 02:37 PM
  #984
Checking in for the second time today. I am in a really foul mood. Probably because I've had a headache all day and feel worn out. Partly because of feeling bored and generally useless too. Partly because I am anxious due to having ECT tomorrow. I've been snapping at my husband all day and feel bad about that. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day head-wise and mood-wise . . .
 
 
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 02:55 PM
  #985
Woke up with a headache. It's gone away and I made plans for the day. I actually felt pretty good. But then I got into an argument with a family member about where I will spend Christmas. The problem is lack of communication, but this person assumes that I am somehow able to read their mind. Sorry that's not possible. Say what you mean and mean what you say. I wish I could say that I didn't let it get to me but that's not the case. I'm annoyed, and I can't wait for the holidays to be over.
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 03:29 PM
  #986
I'm a mess.
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 04:41 PM
  #987
I am a mess, too. My body is not responding well to treatments. I have to often fight with one of the doctors teams in charge that wants to get rid of me, even I am bleeding and the surgery wound is more open now. I am trying to keep my spirit high and cooperate but sometimes I just want to sleep. I am using the system to complain and so on but sometimes it is too hard. At times I feel better

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Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 06:49 PM
  #988
Today barely reached daylight, it was cold and damp and grey. I went to the supermarket, they had marshalls in the car park as it was so busy in the run up to christmas. It was a really good idea as it stopped people getting unpleasant. Shame they didn't have marshalls in the store to keep everyone moving in an orderly manner.

Other than that I watched some Tv and slept quite a lot.
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 07:27 PM
  #989
Overeating again!!
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 08:10 PM
  #990
It's been a typical weekend for me. Yesterday was pretty nice as I spent about an hour with a friend of mine. He was with me when I went shopping and at my place. There were no distractions. He was nice to be with, but I feel like he does not understand where I come from. When I tell him how hard it is to make friends for me, he implies that it's my fault.

Last night I rented a movie, and it was terrible. I went to Redbox and the selections were limited. There were not many good movies left. On top of that, while I was at Redbox looking over the selections, a couple of guys were near me talking to each other. I didn't feel comfortable with them there. So I felt hurried to get a movie, and after I left, the two guys did not get a movie like I thought that they were waiting for me to leave. They didn't seem "savory" to me.

Today was alright. Went to church and that was it. Did laundry and went on a little bike ride. Right now I feel very alone and lonely. I have an abbreviated work week this week.
 
 
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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 08:45 PM
  #991
I'm hurtful, I only focus on the negatives, my behavior and attitude is unacceptable, people should stay away. I only wish I could get away from myself. I don't want to think about work or school or other people, all I feel is pain.

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Default Dec 21, 2014 at 10:54 PM
  #992
Well, I knew my 'okay day' would have to come to an end. The sun went down and the sky blackened, and it seems my mood blackened with it. Charred ash. The next 6 days are gonna be rough, as always... I am trying to think positive about it, but that never seems to get me anywhere except disappointed.
 
 
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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 12:42 AM
  #993
A little of both. Good day.
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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 10:19 AM
  #994
Feeling a little better today, but yesterday was a very bad day. I know that there are people out there that are worse off than me, but couldn't help but wonder why I'm the one with the heart condition, the back problems, the horrible eyesight, the sleeping problems, the weight problems, the anxiety and depression.........

Makes me so mad and even more depressed that I can't get rid of these feelings and just be happy. Because, despite all those problems, I do have a pretty good life.

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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 11:31 AM
  #995
I suppose that it could be worse. Compared to last year at this time I'm doing much better. Depression comes and goes in a life...it's been coming more frequently for me. I do wish it would fully go...
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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 11:48 AM
  #996
i've not been feeling too depressed today. if at all.
 
 
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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 03:14 PM
  #997
Better today than yesterday. I don't like Christmas time. So many lies

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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 03:19 PM
  #998
Feeling empty when the day is dark
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Default Dec 22, 2014 at 04:36 PM
  #999
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