[i dont matter]

For those of you who know me.... you know that I have battled depression and suicidal ideation for quite some time now.

Recently I was SO ready to give life the finger.... but (obviously) I have not..... Yesterday I was talking to my therapist and she asked me very bluntly

do you want to end your misery or do you want to die?

It was a fair question.... a good question. I had to admit that even though I do hate life - and part of me wishes for an end of this life.

Lately it has been work to stay in crisis mode. Almost as if my mind has gotten tired of this endless cycle. I know my "new" meds are working (thank you wellbutrin) - - because I occasionally find myself "dancing" in my car as I drive to work (if the song is right). That is the old normal me.... fun, goofy. Not the blah feeling that I have been stuck in for far too long.

Point is - the meds are helping me. I totally believed that I would never enjoy any part of life again. I totally believed that I wanted off of this earth. I am starting to think differently.

It is my hope that each of you find peace in your hearts.

[angel*frm*abve]

That's so nice too hear you have had a positive outcome and ur finding yourself again long may it continue xx

[regretful]

Thank you for this. I am hopeful that medication will help me in a similar way. It's only been three weeks on it for me, so I'll see where it goes from there. I've been very blue for many months, and it feels interminable. It is nice to read that someone is getting better.

[i dont matter]

To "regretful":

Do not get discouraged if the 1st med does not work. I went through a number of meds (I honestly do not even remember how many I tried).

There is a test that you can have done to see what meds would most likely work based on your metabolism..... that is what eventually led me to wellbutrin.

KEEP ON FIGHTING!

[Hanban757]

I am happy to read that the medications are helping you. Its great that you are feeling better and starting to have a good out look on life again! That's an incredible feeling and I am glad that you are finally am to have it. I have been on medication for a long time now to treat my bipolar and the depression that it causes. Not all of the medications worked for me, but the one that I am currently on has been great for me! I too have been able to start dancing in the car again. Dancing in the car doesn't seem like such a big thing, but for people with depression it truly is!

I wish you the best of luck with your medication and your happiness!!

[i dont matter]

Originally Posted by Hanban757

.... Dancing in the car doesn't seem like such a big thing, but for people with depression it truly is!

Two points:

1. Dancing shows some happiness - so you are correct in saying it is a big thing.

2. Dancing in my car is far less embarrassing than when I would step on to a dance floor.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by i dont matter

For those of you...ace in your hearts.

My meds have helped me enjoy music again, but I am a very bad driver and concentrate 100% on the road.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by i dont matter

To "regretful":

Do not get discouraged if the 1st med does not work. I went through a number of meds (I honestly do not even remember how many I tried).

There is a test that you can have done to see what meds would most likely work based on your metabolism..... that is what eventually led me to wellbutrin.

KEEP ON FIGHTING!

I wish that this was the first medication...actually, by my count it is number 7. I'm working with this one now...tried Wellbutrin in the past, but had some unpleasant side-effects. Cymbalta worked, but I can't afford it - so I'm relegated to the samples that I get from my MD of Viibryd. It's a lot of faith that I'm putting into this medication. I'll see what comes out of this. Really, I probably would not need medication had I not impulsively quit a job a little over a year ago. It was a massive mistake that led to this major depression. I wish I could return to my old job...but for now, it's medication and doing my best to think positively about life. The former is easy...the latter has been quite a struggle. But thank you for the encouragement.

[SeekerOfLife]

IDM, I loved your post! Dancing in the car! I am so glad to hear your meds are helping. You have hope now. Your therapist asked you a very wise question. You sounded happy in your post.

[Frankbtl]

Hi IDM, that's great news!!! SO pleased for you, and thank you for letting us know!!! You SO deserve it!!!



Alison

[lilypup]

Thanks for sharing. You might have really helped someone with that today!

[SeekerOfLife]

Yes, as Alison said, You deserve it!