[Hannah_Elizabeth]

I was never diagnosed with depression, but I think I'm about 75% sure that I was at a little depressed one point when I was 12-13. All I remember was feeling really, really sad and I had no idea why and it never seemed like it was going away. I don't remember ever really thinking about killing myself but I did start sometimes wishing that I wasn't alive anymore a little bit. After a little while, I started feeling really angry. I would fight with my mother pretty much every day because I didn't want to listen to her. After the fights, I usually cry and sometimes I remember hitting myself. I did not get along with my family at all. I never told anyone then at that time that I felt sad. I was afraid. I think my mom just thought I was being a huge brat. I had to go therapy a few times when I was 13 but I stopped going because the therapist and I didn't get along very well.

When I was 16, I told someone that I wanted to hurt myself and I was forced back into therapy, but it never really worked for me.

I tried to kill myself when I was 17.

I started hurting myself when I was 19.

I went to therapy for the first time since I was 16 recently because I think I might be a little bit depressed again. I'm afraid to talk to anyone about it, so I don't know for sure, I guess, but I know that I feel really sad sometimes. I cry for no reason. I have thoughts about hurting myself. I know that I'm not happy but it's like I don't know what to do to change my life. I don't know if it's going to work anyway, if I do try. I don't have any friends so it's not like I have anyone to talk to. I can't tell my family because I already know for a fact that they won't understand. They will think that I'm just faking it, I'm lazy, I want attention when I really don't. I'm really scared to tell anyone. They don't really care about me at all. No one does. My mother says that I'm a ***** and that I need to grow up. She makes me cry and when I tell her that it hurts my feelings, she just says that I deserve it. I already have had low self-esteem since I was 12 years old and hearing that type of thing from my own mother just makes me hate myself. At this point, I don't think I'm ever going to have a good relationship with my family. I just want to be normal and this really, really sucks. I don't think I can do this anymore. I really don't.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Hannah,

I'm sorry your family have been so unsupportive to the way you've been feeling, and it certainly sounds like they/that has contributed to how you're feeling too
A lot of the things you talk about do sound like depression, and not knowing what to do with your life can come from depression too.........so maybe some support with that could help with too. Though for now.........maybe some smaller goals as to changing your life???
But well done in reaching out for help, through starting therapy!!! There are plenty of people who find that can help, it can take time to start helping, but it can sometimes be helpful.
And for now maybe some steps in self-care, maybe talking more about/sharing what's going on for you???
And really good that you've found us on PC, you'll find lots of really understanding and supportive people on here and lots of information too. So please keep talking/sharing and...........welcome!!!!

Alison

[Fuzzybear]

[puzzclar]

Welcome to the club of feeling sad. Its not a fun club but to me its normal. To me there is no such thing as normal. But that is after years of searching for an answer. To no avail. The biggest support for me is here. Knowing that I'm not alone helps me a lot. Helping others and choosing to live a full life help. My biggest issue is telling my family. .. its not easy. But if life were meant to be easy we wouldn't have challenges. Just saying. Keep your head up.