How do you evaluate how suicidal you really are?

I think you do yourself a lot of harm by bottling /suppressing feelings, by hiding. Negative stressful things build up in you if you dont have a way of expressing, releasing stuff thats troubling you. Trying to hide illness from others while battling strongly with it yourself is difficult. Theres no shame really in having illness. If others have a problem with you, or dont care they arent worthy of you.

So, I came up with this scale to decide how suicidal I really am, based on how my thoughts and mind work. Does this seem like an efficient way to evaluate??

That's a very detailed scale and very well constructed. It does seem a really useful tool and if it helps you better understand the points at which you can stop the thoughts or reach out for help, then yes I'd say it is efficient. I recommend that you share this with your T and any other medical professionals that have an interest in your mental health, then if you are finding it very hard to talk about your thoughts you can simply point to where you are and let them ask the relevant questions.

I'm very impressed by how many stages you have recognised and the level of insight you have. Just a thought and a little off topic, do you think you would be able to construct something similar that could assess how valued or useful you feel, something that would help you see your positive qualities even when your mood is really low? Your T might be able to help you do something like that.

Thanks! I mixed up a no/yes (situational stress or no) but I edited on my personal copy. I wondered if it was a little non-realistic but I gave it my best shot. I would love to share it with T, but I refuse to email her (don't much feel like reaching out) so it'll have to wait until next session. Using my scale and others advice to "ride the wave", I think i've downgraded from a 6 to a 3, so it can wait. I also like your suggested idea of the second chart and will discuss this with T. I know she'll be excited to help.

Glad to hear you've downgraded. I understand the reluctance to reach out, I'm never quite sure where the boundary is between just getting through it all and needing a bit more help. Today I was tapping myself with something that I have used to si in the past. Was the tapping (enough to cause redness, but not bruising) the point where I should reach out? Having decided not to reach out, should I even bother to disclose it? I'll just wait and see on that one.

Anyway, if you do get to making a second chart, I'd love to see it, if you want to share.

My recent thoughts haven't been suicidal, but rather a "pray that I go to sleep and never wake up" or "if you need to murder me to drive 110 MPH, do it."

I have had brief flirtations with suicidal thought and how I would do it. Not a specific method, but planning it like a day of a prisoner's execution (last meal, final plans, etc.) I haven't hit the point where I need to go to the ER, but I have felt overwhelmed. I can't tell my family that I feel suicidal; I've had 2 previous serious flirtations with truly wanting to end my life, a third would be overwhelming. Telling them the reason why would make them upset, that they would just tell me to get out and meet someone.

I tried to od 2 months ago. Not my first attempt. My H told my big "loving Italian family."

No one has said a word to me about it. It's been swept under the carpet.
I'm an embarrassment.