[LelouchLamperouge]

I'm slowly losing the will and desire to live any longer little by little with every passing day. I've been having a lot of dreams about committing suicide and dying as well. I've also been thinking and playing with the ideas of different scenarios and plans how to go through with it.

[Pierro]

Have you talked to anyone about this, are you on meds, maybe seeing a therapist....

[LelouchLamperouge]

Originally Posted by Pierro

Have you talked to anyone about this, are you on meds, maybe seeing a therapist....

I saw a T for an evaluation and a first meeting about two months ago through my university. I was told I could not continue my sessions because I am taking a break this semester from the university...I was severely discouraged afterwards. I shouldn't have been even given an assessment and what not if if I was going to be set up for a huge disappointment. I was recommended to look into sliding scale T's because I have no health insurance. I have no motivation to do anything now though after I tried really hard to pursue help before.

[LelouchLamperouge]

I'm not sure if I'm scared or not. The thing is I don't think I would bring myself to call a crisis line or admit myself to crisis ER if I were to reach that point.

[Pierro]

Talk about kicking a person when they are down. No wonder you have lost all faith but please don't let this discourage you from getting emergency help if need be. Please stay safe.

Best wishes

[IrisBloom]

There is always hope. Please don't give up.

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

I'm slowly losing the will and desire to live any longer little by little with every passing day. I've been having a lot of dreams about committing suicide and dying as well. I've also been thinking and playing with the ideas of different scenarios and plans how to go through with it.

What kind of scenarios have been playing on your mind? Do you feel driven to act on any suicidal ideas? Do you feel in danger of harming or killing yourself? Or are you just feeling trapped, overwhelmed and in despair about things in your life?

[Creative1onder]

Based on personal experience, i wouldn't recommend going to A&E unless u want to face more distress? I was bullied when i went. I remember my Dad dropping me off outside hospital and walked in with me to reception but after he left i waited to be seen by staff and when i was taken into emergency dep i was told to wait in corner by wall i was exhausted i felt id given up, i was in bad way, but then all of a sudden staff came over to me and told me to get up and leave room, they literally forced me out. Another time i arranged to see hospital Out of hours GP and when i arrived there were police in the waiting room and two members of crisis team. Another incident, i asked to use phone in hospital and was told where to go, and i needed the toilet..but guess what i was followed by security staff who wanted me out. One banged on the toilet door. I saw different out of hours gps and crisis staff and went to 3 different A&E departments to try to get help. I went in ambulance twice to A&E. I was referred to mental health recovery team after for a period of time i was being assessed there and was referred for psychotherapy but rejected. I didnt even get first appointment for it. I waited a while as well. In the end i had enough of all the assessments that werent getting me anywhere better so i stopped going and was discharged. I havent been to GP for quite a long time.