[girlonfire89]

I'm in the process of applying to graduate schools in a *very* competitive field (speech pathology) and one of the professor's I asked to write me a reference letter said no and that he was already at his capacity for letters this term. Of course, this seems entirely reasonable, but in my mind it was just an excuse and there was something wrong with me personally that made him not want to write me a letter. It's perfectly normal for someone to be too busy since he already has at least 10 letters to write, so why am I convinced that it is because I am so bland and forgettable? I got an A in both his classes, so that can't be the reason.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

I'm so sorry to hear that and that you are taking it personally. Actually, it may be a good thing that this particular professor is not writing you a letter of recommendation. I doubt it would be personal since he seems so busy, and I have a feeling that grad schools favor more personal letters of rec over non-personal ones.

Let me offer up a few of my experiences to digest in hopes that it can give you some new perspectives. I went to a small yet highly reputable undergraduate school. There, I did work-study hours for a professor whom I consider to be quite unethical. He had me write all of his letter of recommendation requests. I was writing letters that could affect the future lives of many people that I had never met. I would ask the professor how many years he had known the student and in what capacity, and I would request the students' resumés. Basically, I would work from the same generic template I created every time I wrote one.

Small example: "I have known NAME for X years as a STUDENT, WORKER, ETC. It is my honor to recommend them to X program. NAME has consistently shown a high level of academic maturity, work ethic, responsibility, and commitment. I am sure that NAME would be an excellent candidate for your X program.

The professor would just sign his name. I tried to remember if I was sending letters of recommendation to the same school so that I could change it up a little bit. After working for this professor for several years both on campus and off campus for his personal stuff (yet either getting paid by the school or not getting paid at all), I expected that he would at least write me a letter of recommendation. He said he would, but when the time came... nope. I even had to write my own letter of recommendation. At least I could be personal with that one.

I had another professor (great person) who was very busy but agreed to write me a letter. Although I gave him notice well in advance, he didn't give it to me until the day it was due at the grad school. I paid lots of money to have it shipped as quickly as possible, but it still showed up a day late and I was never even considered as a candidate.

Now I am a professor and write letters of recommendation for some students (and I write them all MYSELF!).. It is very hard to write a letter for a student who I just had in class, but did not talk to me or visit my office. I try my best with those. It is much easier to write letters for students that I know... those who have visited my office multiple times for any reason, asked to do research with me, or were active participants in my classes. These latter letters are much more personal and I think grad schools like them better.

Also, when asking a professor to write a letter of rec, if the letter is to be mailed it is considered courteous to provide the professor with a pre-addressed and stamped envelope. It is also important to ask the professor if they can write a POSITIVE letter of recommendation. I have had some whiny little a-holes in my class that have immaturely talked about me behind my back but were oh-so nice to my face. Although I think I'd just tell them to find someone else if they asked for a letter of rec, professors can write negative letters of rec.

I hope this helps in some way! Good luck in your graduate school endeavors!

Best,
Professor Meow

[co146]

Hi, do not blame yourself, I should definitely practice what I preach but it's easier to tell it to someone. You got an A in both classes that is a major accomplishment. Try and get the recommendation from someone else. He obviously was just to busy. Keep your head up!

Cassie!

[girlonfire89]

Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful response! I know I shouldn't take it personally and honestly this professor was my backup. I volunteer in an on-campus research lab and I'm planning on asking the lab PI for a letter as well since she knows me personally. I just wish I could turn off the anxious/depressed part of my mind and turn on the rational part.

[flours]

Hi! I made the same experience many times before. My advice: keep asking, again and again. I know it may sound stupid, annoying and useless. at least that's what I always think. but seriously, I did that before and it was quite an effort for me. and it always worked! sometimes they just want to see you try harder.

[Musica91]

Hi girlonfire89,

I have been out of school a long time (undergraduate) and have done a little graduate work, but my experience with asking for recommendations is usually asking teachers I work for, for letters of recommendation (field of Education), in order to advance or do something different in my work.

Asking a public school teacher - even one you have worked with and for and who knows you pretty well - to take the time to write a letter of recommendation is just about as bad as what has been described here - but not quite as bad. (thank goodness)

I have had many letters promised but not delivered - and I have some say no too.

And once I even applied to a seminary (don't ask), and had pastors and religious people write letters of recommendation and pretty sure they sabotaged me - that was nasty too (that one really hurt!)

So sometimes there's a time to take it personally - and sometimes not. Mostly not.

But I know how it feels. I am also behind in my field due to my issues, so trying to catch up at an older age - its like being a hampster in an exercise wheel!

But keep trying and just keep asking. Once in a while, I get an excellent letter of recommendation just by continuing to try!