[Ixodon]

I am getting more and more sick of life and living everyday, but at the same time I don't want to die. I don't want to die without becoming anything, succeeding in my dreams, being known for what I do, or without living the type of life I really hope to achieve. There have been so many problems, concerns, and frustrations that I have had for the past many, many months straight and some of them, for at least the past 3 or 4 years even that are really, really starting to wear down on me mentally and emotionally. I feel so lonely. I'm getting crazy in the head. It's getting to the point where I really can't do this anymore, and there are so many things that need to change now, right this instant, but nothing that I want is going to change in an instant, if anything, it's going to take time. I feel very mentally sick. The same way when you feel very ill, your body is sick, and when you're sick and have a cold, and you're vomiting, that is how I feel mentally.

People anger me alot. I feel like alot of people just live life doing whatever the hell they want without any kind of consequences or any problems in life and just get a whole lot of **** just handed to them that they don't deserve, and no one ever gets mad at them for the things they do or no one ever yells at them or degrades them. I am currently kicked out of my house because of arguments with my Dad. I don't get along with my Dad at all. All he ever does is yell at me over the most trivial **** just because we both have 2 totally different lifestyles and ways of doing things and he keeps wanting to enforce his beliefs and his ways on me, and it's not going to work. All he ever does is insult me and put me down every chance he gets. I don't know when I can come back home, but I don't have a real place to stay, except stay around friend's houses.

There is alot of **** that depresses me heavily. There is so much more to life than working. There is so much more to life than working some bull **** job that you hate and that you can't stand that causes you so much misery and depression the more and more time goes on, and meanwhile all the other areas of your life are incomplete and unfulfilled. Alot of times I feel lonely and feeling like I have very few people to go to about any of this. I feel like almost no one feels the way I feel, or notices the things I notice, or cares about the things I care about. I don't feel like I can relate to alot of people, or at least, people around me. I'm tired of waking up every morning feeling like "what's the point of this" and on the entire drive to work I grow more and more frustrated as I get closer to my job and when I pull up in the parking lot I just get this sick feeling in my stomach and feel like I really don't even want to get out of my car. There's so much stress and pressure on work work work, but forget everything else and forget everything you want to do type of attitude coming from society, people's parents and people from older generations. Every job I've had I've hated. Almost every job I've had I've gotten fired from either because I get angry and I act on my anger, or I get so sick of the place that I become more and more late because I don't want to be there or I start calling off alot and then I get fired. I am currently jobless right now, and about to be completely broke. I still don't know what I want to do with my life in terms of college or a college degree. I am very good at music, and that is really my main interest in life and it always has been. I play multiple instruments, and there are alot of songs I have learned and can play from other music artists and I have alot of original songs written that I have composed, and I'm still composing my own works. I don't really want to go in detail on here about what I do or what I write, but I am very heavily detail oriented in what I write, and I've been doing this for years. I am starting to look at places where I can put myself out there more or meet more people like me, or start figuring out how I can become a music producer or different things along those lines, and start taking action on my plans.

The real meaning to life to me is about being known for your talents or what you do and being known and respected for your talents, and being able to travel and go to a whole lot of different places doing what you do and having a very active life based on your talents and knowing alot of people and having alot of connections. That is the meaning to life to me, and that is what I call a real life. There is so much more to life than just spend 95% or even 100% of your week switching between being at either at a job you hate working so many hours, or at home, and on a very seldom occasion, out with friends. There is so much that goes on in life and so much other activities. That's another one of my problems, when it comes to college or a college degree, I still don't have any idea of what I want to do, at all. I'm 24 years old. It's getting to the point where it's starting to get really desperate. The truth is, so many people my age are starting to get started on their careers that they got by graduating college with a degree making salaries of $40,000 - $60,000 a year, moved out of their parents house living in their own house or apartment and even being married having a wife and kids. I don't have any of that. And like I said, I still don't know what to do in terms of college or degree, it's almost as if very few things interest me in that regard. It's getting scary. I just want to find a job that can pay anywhere between $10 - $15 an hour and just live on my own and do my own thing, I know of several people who work jobs that make that much who are living on their own. I just want to live my own life and do what I do, and work on my music and just be content.

I realize posting this isn't going to change things, but the reason why I'm posting this is because I don't know where to turn anymore, or who to talk to. I have way too many thoughts racing through my head 24/7 and it's driving me insane.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Ixodon, and welcome to Psych Central! I agree there should be more to life than working some job we hate. That said, sometimes we do have to do that--and turn to hobbies and interests to keep us sane.

Not all of us are going to have our three minutes of fame. I am almost 60, and have been doing a lot of observing! Yet, that doesn't mean that we can't have a positive impact on life and that our lives won't have meaning.

Are you seeing a therapist by any chance? I think one could help you to get on track and begin to make a headway more toward what you want out of life. And help with your depression.

I am sure some other folks here are also frustrated. Honestly, not too many of us here were born with silver spoons in our mouths and/or have had great childhoods. It doesn't seem fair, but sometimes we can take adversity and make it into something positive. It can make us stronger and even more caring for others who suffer, too.

Feel free to keep sharing your frustrations. As I say, many folks understand.

[Maria38Divine]

Hi Ixodon,

Have you thought of getting a degree in the performing or creative arts? I agree that it takes a while to get established, but you could still give it a try. I'm 43 and trying to get my work published. It's been a long and sometimes frustrating road, but my love for writing keeps me going. Hold down a job if you can, so you can keep earning an income until you're able to switch over to music full time.

[H3rmit]

Hi Ixodon. I could relate to a lot of what you've said even though I'm old compared to you. The life of an artist is tough, but people will pay for music they like/love, so I encourage you to follow that dream.

[pisces22]

I'm in a similar position right now. I'm 20 years old and I'm not in school and I'm technically unemployed. I have "seasonal" jobs. Sometimes I work 3 days a week and sometimes I go weeks without working but I always manage to have some money. I don't want to get a full/part time job because I feel like I'm gonna get too tired of the same routine everyday. I also want to pursue a career in arts even though I'm not very good at making art or making music and stuff. I agree with what you said. Having a cubicle job and going back and forth from work to home and then having two days to rest and hang with friends. I'd rather be a graphic designer than like a nurse and be my own boss and have more free time but I'm really indecisive so I'm stuck. I stress a lot about going back to school which makes me very anxious and depressed. My dad also puts me down a lot but he's been more understanding recently because I got severely depressed and anxious. I also see a lot of the people I used to go to school with, traveling, getting married and graduating and that also contributes to my anxiety.

It's kinda of ironic that I'm giving you advice because I can't even do that for myself but I guess if you have an idea about what you want to do and you love doing it then you should go for it. You only get one chance and we should not settle for a crappy job we're gonna hate forever. I don't know what I want to do and I'm not mentally stable right now but once I get better I'm gonna try to make up my mind. I hope you know that you're not alone. You can always come to talk me or anyone on here. We understand. Good luck with your music and your dad! I hope someday he understands!

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[healingme4me]

Toxic people, when living with them,especially, drain every ounce of energy, life,joy,ambition, you name it. That's why they call them emotional vampires.
What's the plan for moving? Budget, ability to seek roommates? Doing that, without crawling back for an ounce of help,feels liberating.

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[Siada]

If you want to follow a music career the go ahead and do it! I was stuck in this situation for a long time, I couldn't fully decide on what I wanted to do with my life. I love my art I've taught myself how to play guitar and would like to do something along the artsy track for a career but didn't know exactly what I wanted. The day job was not cutting it, I felt so unfulfilled just wasting my life away. I got 2 days off to enjoy the money I earned but once those two days were gone I was back at the beginning of another working week to start the process over again. One day I decided that enough was enough, I had to get out of this situation now. So with great courage I gathered from within, I packed a bag put on my boots and walked away from Everything! With only €150 euros in my pocket, I set out for the wildest adventure of my life. I walked and hitched my way around 2 countries. I met so many like minded people, worked on farms, lived in yurts, climbed mountains and sat around fires singing songs. One day I'll figure out what I want to do but not quite now. I'm 25 and although that feels old when I see my friends with houses, fancy cars and children... they want to be able to do what I do. Know that you can do anything you set your mind to, just remember to follow you heart and everything will work out. You don't need to talk to a therapist to follow your dreams, just belief in yourself!
I know this is an old thread but couldn't help but to sign up to this website and reply in hope that this reaches you.