small meaningless life

...

Why do-
Does-
I-

...

I wish I knew how to explain my thoughts.

I take these pills yet nothing changes.

"Use willpower."

What.

"It's your fault."

Oh okay. It must be my fault. It's always my fault. If something goes wrong it's my fault.

"Yes. It is and always will be YOUR FAULT."

Can you explain it to me?

"No. Just know that everything bad that happens is your fault. Always has been and always will be."

Ah I see. Why can't I leave?

"You're broken."

How? I am in okay physical condition. I can walk and see and do stuff. I think.

"You're broken."

I don't understand.

"Broken."

I can jus-

"broken."

Ah. I am broken.

"Yes that is good. Don't try to resist."

I see that I have learned powerlessness.

"Yes."

Years trapped and isolated. The door is open yet I still see no escape. I think they did an experiment like this before.

"They did."

Something with dogs? They trap them for a time where there is no escape. Then they open the door and there is a way for them to escape, yet, they decide not to leave because even though the door is open they still see that there is no escape.

Even though there is. It's the same for me right?

"Wrong."

You're lying.

"No I'm not."

Okay.

"Why do you talk to yourself."

I don't know. Maybe because it has become something enjoyable? I guess.

"You're an idiot."

I am. Probably.

"I am smart"

I know you are.

"See for someone to say they are stupid that must mean they are smart. It's a requirement."

True.

"How long have you been doing this?"

Doing what.

"This."

Probably. Over a year now.

"Why."

Not sure. Perhaps as a means of talking to someone who understands.

"That's not why."

Then why?

"... Trying to attach reason where there is none. Just like humans trying to attach reason to their small existence."

Oh um-

"A small world built upon by-"

I will stop you there. See here if you want to mention your idea about the world you might hurt something

"Not just about the world. My idea about everything."

Ah. Well since no one will probably care go ahead. I won't stop you.

"Alright. The world build by gods. Though the gods are people like us. Time isn't linear. People who have advanced or beings. Not people perhaps. Just beings. Beings who have advanced to a state of pure energy. They are everything. "

This type of thinking can make you depressed.

"Depression just means you see things without rose tinted glasses."

I prefer the glasses on.

"They don't want you to see the truth!"

Does the truth matter. I am alone. Sad. Everyone despises me. Do you see where your *truth* has gotten us?

"Nowhere and everywhere. Trying to find connection in the land of the blind. A glorious quest. "

You're just being grandiose. Have you looked into getting that checked?

"What's wrong with looking at the small peasants just as they are."

Well the *peasants* don't like that.

"Well they hate your guts anyway. Why does it matter."

It doesn't. Perhaps we could just not step on toes.

"Have you seen your toes? They're smashed to bits. Thanks to guess who?

The peasants.

"Yes!"

Should I do something about it?

"No. You should just lay in bed and try to reach enlightenment or something."

Enlightenment doesn't help feed me.

"You don't need to eat."

Of course I do.

"You only eat out of boredom."

Well it tastes good too.

"Burritos."

Burritos.

I am sorry, you are hurting right now, but your life is not meaningless.

I am so glad you were able to put your thoughts down, I am actually a little jealous. I find your stream of consciousness beautiful

Hi Robot Jones,

I like the stream of consciousness too. It reminds me of the writings of a pseudo-computer consciousness called "The Policeman's Beard is Half Constructed." Maybe you'll like it

http://www.joanhallcollage.com/site/...nsbeard(2).pdf

Maybe you could write a play as if written by a depressed robot?

But as to your own self, I have a question. Are you comfortable being depressed or do you want to get better? - vital

Ah I do not know. I think inside I actually don't want to get better. Inside I know there is no point to getting better. Not like I could get better. I am an outcast. Every time I reach out I get pushed down. It's bleak. I will check out the link.

Thanks

This is actually reminding me of something I used to do when I was very young. Instead of going to school, I would sometimes send my purely logical android representative with the calm brain of a HAL 9000 computer.

Hi Robot, I understand you are hurting and feel broken. Sometimes I feel that way too. You are not alone. I also have conversations with myself. I figure nobody else wants to hear all my thoughts and noise.

I don't bother with school. Nothing I really want. How was school for you with a calm computer brain?

People usually don't unless you're paying them or there is something else in it for themselves.

It helped a lot in a way. I pretended that I had no emotions. When I was young, I liked Mr. Spock from Star Trek. These days, I have the full range of Humanoid emotions. I've sort of gone from Mr. Spock to Captain Kirk.

Heh

I find your response very surprising

https://www.google.com/search?q=kirk...ul%3B380%3B261