[Beachlover527]

So yesterday I met with my therapist and I always felt that she did not understand how bad I felt. Maybe a little but never the whole deal no matter how many times I've talked to her. Well, yesterday I broke down and cried (like I usually do) and told her how I felt about myself everyday. She asked if I wanted to die and I said Yes. Then things got serious and I asked her if I had depression and she said yes. She said I've had it for many years now and so I'm able to do the thing where I can pretend I don't have it and go on with my day.
This gave me so much information. Think about it. As a person haunted with doubts, not knowing if I had depression and thinking maybe I'm just sad but not depressed, or maybe I'm just focusing on the sadness way too much, or maybe if I just stay positive it will go away.
It was extremely hard to not know why I was feeling this way for years but now things are clearer. I understand that the way I'm feeling is so valid and not to be overlooked.
The reason I didn't know I had depression was because I wasn't sure that I had it because I compared my life to other people's and thought I get up from bed everyday, I'm able to laugh and find happiness, I'm able to do things that other depressed people can't. So I assumed I didn't have it. It was very hard......

But now I know I have it and I'm not happy about it. I do this thing where I can pretend I don't have it and pretend everything is okay (especially in front of people). I do it so I don't get extremely depressed and breakdown even though the depression always lingers within me.

I told my mom about it and she thinks it's because I'm lazy and I don't go to the gym and I don't have many friends anymore. Idk I don't think that's true. It's because I have such a sensitive soul and I've been hurt for so long that it's unstoppable to not be depressed anymore.

Anyway, hopefully she makes an appointment with the doctor because then I can get medication. I am excited for the medication because I've always wanted it but wasn't sure if I am able to even get it. But now I know I can because I need it.

I think what we all need is someone trustful and wise to talk to. Therapist of course but also like loving friends or a family member. For me, I used what I had and talked to my friend online that I barely know but did it anyway. Just because it made me feel less alone and less by myself.

So yeah. If you are feeling sad, we are in this together. We don't need to die. We can fix this life and be strong and let us die in a natural cause not because of our actions.

[jelly-bean]

There are a lot of people with depression here. I'm one of them. Right now I'm not on medication (wish I were but the cost of what I was on was prohibitive even with insurance) so on the bad days I have to "play the game" as best I can because my family thinks I can just change my mind and be happy. Have the therapist explain it to your Mom. It makes it official and she has to understand that it is a very real problem and not one of laziness.

[Kathleen83]

Depression is similar to, but different, for everyone. The signs & symptoms are different. Comparing yourself to others who are depressed.....will exhaust you, and drive you crazy.

Same can be said of medications to treat it. Bottom line is, you aren't happy with how your life is right now, so continue to focus on what you need to change that. Go ahead and keep pushing to try meds that can make a huge difference. Keep getting your mom involved with your feelings, and your treatment, so she can better understand what you are going thru. Don't give up, and when things are hopeless, there's always Psych Central, and the wonderful people who hang out here. They've helped get me thru my darkest moments.

[Altered Moment]

You are definitely not alone.

In AA we say "look for the similarities and not the differences". Not good to compare yourself to others whether they are doing better or worse. Look for the ways you can relate to people and what others have done to help themselves.

You are right we are all in this together. I am glad you put an name to it and that gives you some hope on how to move forward but at the same time it is nothing any of us wants to have.

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

So yesterday I met with my therapist and I always felt that she did not understand how bad I felt. Maybe a little but never the whole deal no matter how many times I've talked to her. Well, yesterday I broke down and cried (like I usually do) and told her how I felt about myself everyday. She asked if I wanted to die and I said Yes. Then things got serious and I asked her if I had depression and she said yes. She said I've had it for many years now and so I'm able to do the thing where I can pretend I don't have it and go on with my day.
This gave me so much information. Think about it. As a person haunted with doubts, not knowing if I had depression and thinking maybe I'm just sad but not depressed, or maybe I'm just focusing on the sadness way too much, or maybe if I just stay positive it will go away.
It was extremely hard to not know why I was feeling this way for years but now things are clearer. I understand that the way I'm feeling is so valid and not to be overlooked.
The reason I didn't know I had depression was because I wasn't sure that I had it because I compared my life to other people's and thought I get up from bed everyday, I'm able to laugh and find happiness, I'm able to do things that other depressed people can't. So I assumed I didn't have it. It was very hard......

But now I know I have it and I'm not happy about it. I do this thing where I can pretend I don't have it and pretend everything is okay (especially in front of people). I do it so I don't get extremely depressed and breakdown even though the depression always lingers within me.

I told my mom about it and she thinks it's because I'm lazy and I don't go to the gym and I don't have many friends anymore. Idk I don't think that's true. It's because I have such a sensitive soul and I've been hurt for so long that it's unstoppable to not be depressed anymore.

Anyway, hopefully she makes an appointment with the doctor because then I can get medication. I am excited for the medication because I've always wanted it but wasn't sure if I am able to even get it. But now I know I can because I need it.

I think what we all need is someone trustful and wise to talk to. Therapist of course but also like loving friends or a family member. For me, I used what I had and talked to my friend online that I barely know but did it anyway. Just because it made me feel less alone and less by myself.

So yeah. If you are feeling sad, we are in this together. We don't need to die. We can fix this life and be strong and let us die in a natural cause not because of our actions.

Are you seeing a therapist privately? What kind of therapy is it?like person centred, just counselling or cbt involved? If you GP thinks you have depression you will be recommended medication and possibly referred to mental health service if you wish to be. I don't how one can be excited about taking medication. I for sure abstain from it. In terms of seeking therapy, it can be hard finding right person to share stuff with. There are therapists who are quite judgemental and critical of you and actually don't understand or believe in mental illnesses including depression.

[Fuzzybear]

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Kathleen83

Depression is similar to, but different, for everyone. The signs & symptoms are different. Comparing yourself to others who are depressed.....will exhaust you, and drive you crazy.

Same can be said of medications to treat it. Bottom line is, you aren't happy with how your life is right now, so continue to focus on what you need to change that. Go ahead and keep pushing to try meds that can make a huge difference. Keep getting your mom involved with your feelings, and your treatment, so she can better understand what you are going thru. Don't give up, and when things are hopeless, there's always Psych Central, and the wonderful people who hang out here. They've helped get me thru my darkest moments.

You are awesome. I love how supportive you are and how much you GET it. Thank you so much. ️

[Beachlover527]

Originally Posted by Creative1onder

Are you seeing a therapist privately? What kind of therapy is it?like person centred, just counselling or cbt involved? If you GP thinks you have depression you will be recommended medication and possibly referred to mental health service if you wish to be. I don't how one can be excited about taking medication. I for sure abstain from it. In terms of seeking therapy, it can be hard finding right person to share stuff with. There are therapists who are quite judgemental and critical of you and actually don't understand or believe in mental illnesses including depression.

Yeah it's private. And the doctor that works there said it was her orders for me to go see a doctor this week and get myself checked/get medication. I was excited because it's something I've wanted to try but didn't think I was able to get it. I want to see how it works on me because honestly, if you're that hopeless, you're willing to try anything that makes you happier.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Beachlover527

Yeah it's private. And the doctor that works there said it was her orders for me to go see a doctor this week and get myself checked/get medication. I was excited because it's something I've wanted to try but didn't think I was able to get it. I want to see how it works on me because honestly, if you're that hopeless, you're willing to try anything that makes you happier.

Exactly!!!

[Beachlover527]

I'm feeling better guys if you care . I am HAVING HOPE and DISCARDING negative thoughts. I CAN do this. I CAN live a long life. I WILL be successful. I WILL put an end to my depression. I WILL live the life I truly deserve, which is a WONDERFUL, AMAZING, POSITIVE life.

[Creative1onder]

No one has a perfect, ideal life, we all have issues. A lot of people tend to compare self with others and want more or better than how things are now. People can try different things to help themselves or seek different forms of help but their efforts don't always work out, it doesn't always lead to positive outcomes. That doesn't mean its their fault. Its important to be able to deal with stresses, disappointments, losses, lifes ups and downs.

[Creative1onder]

Understanding depression is key to being able to deal with it and make possible changes in life.

[Hellion]

Hopefully the medication helps you feel better if it helps then it would probably make it easier to adress other things in your life without being so overwhelmed with depression. I personally have not had much luck with meds for the depression so I tend to self medicate that, mostly with cannabis...sometimes I drink to deal with it but that usually ends up being counter-productive. I do not only take drugs to self medicate though...getting high can be a nice distraction but not always self medication per-say. I do have prescriptions for anxiety and sleep meds, which I use pretty sparingly for those issues. But yeah basically just living with depression as best I can, trying not to let it get the best of me...guess that is all one can do. But it is possible to keep going...you're right that we don't need to die of our own actions, there are other ways though they may be very elusive and hard to perceive much of the time.