[Steiner of Thule]

A burning loneliness. I'm hideous. Must be. Everyone is lying to me. No one can like someone like me. I lack a single good thing. So I wander around by myself. No friends. No love.

Everything inside rots.

It turns from loneliness to hatred. I hate everyone for hurting me. Why am I the one that gets hurt.

No one relates. Everyone tries to say they do but they really don't. What hurts is when I put trust into them that they do relate. Then it really ends up being that they don't.

So I lose more trust in everyone.

Perhaps some like me are always supposed to be this way. I can't escape.

Day in day out *I'll kill myself!*

Everyday. Some periods where it is worse. Thinking up plans and ideas and then being happy with the thought and then going to bed without having done anything. I go to my doctor.

"Do you have thoughts of harming yourself?"

"No." I LIED.

"Do you have thoughts of harming others?"

"No." AGAIN ANOTHER LIE.

To them everything must be working. Though don't they know that I can't tell them the truth?

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I'm glad you feel safe to post here.

Be careful telling your doctor lies. I did the same thing you did until I couldn't take it anymore and wound up in the hospital, had I confessed earlier maybe I could have avoided going inpatient.

Keep posting. It's how I coped until the meds started working.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I'm glad you feel safe to post here.

Be careful telling your doctor lies. I did the same thing you did until I couldn't take it anymore and wound up in the hospital, had I confessed earlier maybe I could have avoided going inpatient.

Keep posting. It's how I coped until the meds started working.

If they start working that is. Been on seroquel for 5 weeks now I think? At first the dreams were good. Lots of heavy sleeping. Feeling well rested and good dreams. Now the good dreams are gone and I wake up tired and just lay in bed. I changed from effexor to prozac a bit ago but I don't see it helping.

Is it always this case of just waiting and waiting. Then in the end it didn't help so I just wait and wait some more. Waiting and waiting and then oh! My time's up.